Conversations
by Ridley C. James
Summary: A Series of Tag ons and missing scenes for episodes in Season four because there's always things that should have been said.
1. To Cure What Ails You

Conversations: To Cure What Ails You

By: Ridley

Beta: Tidia

A/N: This is my little project for the year. It's called Conversations and I'll toss one out every now and then. And although not really long enough to be a story, it's just some things that I felt needed to be said, or maybe a peak into a day in the life kind of thing. It's a way to let my muse play so I hope you enjoy. As my writing partner and beta wonder put it, it isn't ground-shaking but it will probably put a smile on your face. This little conversation takes place after the episode Family Remains but no real spoilers.

RCJ

"You need to do something." Sam didn't give Caleb time to respond. "He won't listen to me."

"_Hello to you to, Sunshine." _

Sam leaned on the sink, avoiding touching the dirty porcelain surface. "I mean it, Caleb. He's not sleeping, barely eating, and if I have to spend one more night in the backseat of the Impala I might kill him and…"

Caleb interrupted. _"You do know what Deuce and Anna did back there, Right?"_

Sam looked towards the ceiling focusing on several dark water spots. He took a deep breath to keep his irritability in check. "Are you listening to me?"

"_I'm listening, Sam." _

"Where are you?"

"_Just leaving Georgia, finished up a job with Ethan. Where you at?"_

"At the moment I'm in a very questionable bathroom stall of a Texaco station."

"_Planning a hook-up with Ruby? Sounds like her kind of place."_

"That's not funny."

"_Depends on who you ask."_

"Have you talked to him?" Sam knew his brother had called Caleb on a regular basis, but he wasn't sure what they discussed besides his brother's sexual conquests.

"_If you count him giving me the heads-up on various jobs, then yes, we've talked. The endless 'things Caleb needs to-do' list that started at the farm has bled over. The Guardian-elect apparently has Knight and Page confused." _

Sam turned to stare at himself in the mirror over the sink. He looked almost as bad as Dean did. "It's like when Dad died, only worse. He's had us working consecutive jobs since after the holidays. It's not getting better. This last one… " Sam thought of the twisted, inbred children and the family they had saved. "I think it made things worse. You just need to talk to him." There was a small part of Sam that still believed fixing Dean was what Caleb did best.

"_I did talk to him-last night. He talked about everything but what's really on his mind." _

"He doesn't want to deal with it, but he can't get away from it."

"_I remember that feeling." _

Sam ran a hand over his face. He knew exactly what Caleb was talking about. When Dean was dead, the grief was not only unbearable, but inescapable as well. He was being a hypocrite, but he couldn't help it. "I'm really worried about him."

Caleb's tired sigh gave Sam only a tiny twinge of guilt. _"You still have those mojo bags your girlfriend whipped up?"_

"She's not my girlfriend," Sam growled.

"_Depends on who you ask." _Caleb gave a light laugh and Sam couldn't find it in him to be angry.

"Stop talking about _me_ with Dean." Sam knew he was high on his brother's list of things he could focus on and not think about his own issues.

"_But I'm talking to you about him." _

"That's not the point." Sam jumped when Dean banged on the bathroom door. He really was being a hypocrite.

"Sammy, get your ass out here. Daylight's burning."

"Look, I have to go." Sam held the phone closer and lowered his voice. "I have the bags." Dean couldn't complain about The Triad being together and out in the open if they were undetectable by the usual suspects. "What do you have in mind?"

"_I was thinking maybe it's time we let him in on what went down while he was gone." _

"But we swore an oath." Sam couldn't believe Caleb was suggesting they reveal to Dean the lengths they had gone to while he was in Hell. "He'll never let us hear the end of it."

"_But it will give him a distraction that doesn't involve hunting." _

"That's your big plan? More distractions?" Sam looked towards the door as Dean pounded on it once more. "What about the heart to heart?"

"_Why don't I get him a slot on Dr. Phil? Or maybe a weekend retreat to a good spa?" _

"Dickhead." Sam exhaled heavily. He understood Caleb's point. Either scenario was probably as likely as Dean actually discussing how he was feeling. "Just remember this was your idea."

RcJ*SnsnsnsN*RcJ

"You're sure Damien wanted us to meet him here?" Dean leaned against the Impala and looked from his brother to the warehouse in the distance. "What's the deal?"

Sam shrugged and Dean crossed his arms over his chest. His brother had been tightlipped since the phone call he said he got from Caleb asking them to meet up. Before Dean could press the issue, headlights flashed in the distance and he heard the distinctive purr of the Murcielago before he saw it.

Caleb pulled the car into the spot next to them and stepped out. "Glad you two made it."

"What's going on, Damien? I thought we agreed to meet next week at the farm where it's safe?" Dean wasn't in the mood for any surprises.

"Don't worry, Deuce. We'll still celebrate your birthday on Saturday." He gave Dean a half-grin. "I can't help it if I was bored."

Dean's gaze narrowed. Surely they didn't think he would fall for the obvious set-up. "You're never bored-too many single women and Tom Clancy novels for that. You know why we shouldn't be out in the open. "

"I've got that covered," Sam said. He pulled three mojo bags from his coat pocket, tossed them each one before sharing a satisfied grin with Caleb. "We're off the radar for the night."

Damien slipped the pouch over his head and rubbed his hands together. "Sounds good to me. Let's do it."

Dean balked. "Do what?"

"Head into the gutter." Caleb reached into the Lamborghini retrieving two black leather bags, which he sat on the Impala's trunk.

"Is the place haunted?"

Caleb and Sam exchanged another look and Damien dropped his gaze in reverence. "Only by the ghosts of those who never reached that perfect 300 game."

Dean looked to the warehouse, then to his brother and finally Caleb. "You're kidding me?"

"We don't joke about the sport," Sam said.

"Baseball is a sport," Dean said. "This…this is embarrassing."

"Don't judge." Caleb picked up one of the black bags. "It kept us sane while you were gone."

"You sought solace here while I was in Hell? That's fucked up."

"Here and places like it." Caleb reached into his car again pulling out a small duffel which he tossed to Dean. "It was a great way to blow off some steam."

"We found out the hard way that skydiving required way too much equipment," Sam said, taking one of the black bags.

Caleb shut his door, setting the alarm. "Same with golf. Our weapons left no room for clubs."

"But bowling?" Dean gestured to the glowing neon sign across the top of the warehouse that read The Gutter. "It's so…"

"Awesome?" Sam said.

"No." Dean shook his head. "Normal. It's disgustingly normal."

"You haven't seen _my _ball." His best friend slapped him in the stomach as he passed by. "It's one of a kind and top of the line."

Dean rubbed his abs. "After the conservative choice in cars, I'm afraid it might light up and be made of Kryptonite."

"It has a stupid dragon on it." Sam nudged him with his elbow, a goofy grin on his face. "Mine is way cooler," he whispered, patting the black bag. "It's a Storm Pro 300."

Dean frowned. "Impressive, Sammy." Their childhood could have been a whole hell of a lot different if his brother had shown half as much enthusiasm about weapons.

Ten frames, two pitchers of beer later and Dean was yet to be awed, although the collection of classic rock on the digital touch screen juke box was nothing to scoff at. The pizza was fair. Then there was the amusing spectacle of watching his little brother and best friend make complete idiots of themselves.

He picked up his third piece of pepperoni, watching Sammy pump his fist into the air in a disturbing victory dance. His latest strike had obviously ensured his victory. Caleb handed Sam a twenty and sauntered to the table to join Dean. "The Runt wins every damn beer frame. It's unnatural."

Dean stared at his best friend. "Bowling, Damien? Really?"

"Why not? We had to have something to do." Caleb picked up a piece of pie, wrapping the stringy cheese around the end. "You should at least give it a chance before you throw it under the bus."

"Not happening."

"You might be surprised to know bowling takes the hand and eye coordination of archery, the detailed attention to form of swordsmanship, and your grip on the ball has to be just right, not too loose, not too tight, a lot like marksmanship on the gun range. It's all about being in the zone, man."

"Right." Dean took another bite of pizza. "You're definitely in a zone, Dude. The _twilight_ zone."

Caleb split the last of the beer from the pitcher between their plastic cups, glancing up at Dean with a half smile. "Hell, you might be right. But it wasn't like I was in the mood to hang out at bars or play a game of poker or pool. That was always our thing and I was trying not to think about you, Deuce."

Dean wiped his hands on his jeans, swallowing hard to get down the last bite of pizza. "So Bobby was right when he said you guys really did go to the gutter?"

"Yeah." Caleb laughed. He gestured towards the lanes. "This all started when we were in some Podunk town in Nebraska and passed this little place called Strikes and Spares. We'd just finished a brutal hunt, needed a beer and well, it was definitely one thing neither me nor Sammy had ever done with you."

"Damn straight." Dean rocked back in his chair. "So why drag me down with you two now?"

Caleb looked towards the concession stand where Sam was standing in a long line behind two gray-haired ladies and a couple teenagers. "The kid is worried about you."

"Sam's worried?" Dean had a feeling that Caleb would have rather died than told him about his bowling fetish. This would give him material for years to come. The concern Dean instantly recognized in the gold gaze confirmed it.

"Okay, I'm worried, too."

"Damien, I'm okay."

"Sure you are."

"Even if I'm not." Dean picked up his beer. "There's nothing you can do about it."

"And that's the real bitch." Caleb looked at him. "Use to I thought there wasn't anything we couldn't talk about."

"Come on now." Dean took a drink, giving a tight smile. "Talking has never been one of _our_ things. You must be thinking of your best bud, Ethan."

"I'm serious, Deuce." Caleb wasn't thwarted by the redirect. "Even at our most repressed, I still thought I could connect with what you were feeling." Dean watched as Caleb began the telltale fidgeting with his hunter's ring. "When you were a kid I understood about your mom. We grew up hunting the same horrific things. Even when Johnny died, I could relate because I loved the stubborn sonofabitch, too. But this, what you're going through… Shit. I don't have a reference point."

"I can't say I'm not grateful for that."

Caleb leaned his elbows on the table. "I know it's not the same thing, not even in the ballpark, but there was a time after I used Noah Seaver's amulet that I just couldn't let go of what I'd been capable of. I mean, there was a part of me, a big part that liked it. The power it gave me, the way it dampened my conscience. It was liberating. And after you died, I drew on that feeling-used it to do some of the things I did."

Dean sighed. "Damien, you were using the amulet to save me. You would have never gone that route if you didn't feel honor bound to do whatever it took. And as for what you and Sam did while I was gone…you're right about it not being in the same league as what I did. Nowhere near."

"Deuce, you were doing what you had to do to survive."

"We've had this conversation before, Dude."

"Meaning I've beat my head on this particular wall before." Caleb ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Look. I know you're not going to listen to me. I told Sammy you're not going to listen to me. But if you won't let yourself off the hook, then at least promise me you'll take care of yourself. If you can't sleep, I can help with that. I'll block the nightmares; shut them down before they can start."

"You offering to be my WooBee bear, Damien?"

"If that's what it takes. If you don't want me in your head, we'll get Mac to prescribe you some meds. Hell, maybe you should talk to your buddy Cas. Maybe he can help you. I don't care how you handle it as long as you do handle it. I can't go through your death again, Dean. Neither can Sam. "

Dean looked around. It felt both odd and somehow comforting that they weren't in their typical setting, but they were having the kind of forced chick conversation that defined who they were. Things had changed, but at the core the most important things were still the same. Maybe there was hope Dean would come to feel that way about the changes within. He returned his gaze to Caleb. "It definitely did a number on all of us."

"Sammy and I survived. So did you."

Dean's mouth twitched and he knocked his plastic cup against Caleb's. "And I did it in my own damn shoes."

Caleb snorted. "There's the insufferable smart ass I know and love."

"Just don't think this means you can buy me my own monogrammed bowling ball and count me in on the Musketeer League."

"Are you sure?" Caleb raised a brow. "I'll make it black, shiny and very expensive. We could even have a jade phoenix airbrushed on it to match your ink."

"No way. I want to save the cheap booze, poorly lit bars and loose women for my Damien time. You and Sammy can keep this little piece of heaven to yourselves."

"Suit yourself. I'm going to get in a practice frame before the runt comes back."

Dean pantomimed gagging. "Please stop before I decide to see if Ethan wants to be my new best friend."

Caleb smirked. "I'm sure Castiel would be willing to take my place."

Damien stood just as Sam arrived with the new pitcher of beer. "I'm going to get us another game going." He slapped Sam on the back. "I see a 300 in my future tonight."

Sam shook his head as Damien walked away. "It's sad how optimistic he can be."

Dean refilled his glass as his brother claimed Caleb's vacant seat. "And you're such the realist?"

"I am." Sam filled his own glass and snatched the last piece of pizza. "Check the Hunter's Handbook. It's in The Scholar's job description."

"Does that description have anything about leading The Guardian into ambushes?"

"No. That's part of my master plan for becoming a better brother. How am I doing?"

"Sleeping with demons, slumming at the bowling alley…I don't know, Sammy."

"I get it." Sam rolled his eyes. "You hate it."

"The bowling-most definitely." Dean grinned. "The company-not so much."

"I just want you to be okay, Dean."

Dean sloshed his beer around the cup. "I know, and I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being an ass, for pushing the hunting, and mostly for snapping at you during the last hunt." Dean gestured to where Caleb was busy polishing his ball. "When I said you had no idea of what Hell was like, obviously I was wrong."

"It's okay." Sam smiled. "Lack of sleep leads to irritability."

"You don't say."

Sam nodded. "I've done research. It can affect other areas, too."

"Other areas?" Dean asked.

"Sexual performance."

Dean rubbed his chin. "Now there's a reason to enjoy a good eight hours."

"I'm glad _something_ finally got your attention."

"Thanks for the heads-up, Sammy. You're a good brother." Dean lifted his glass in a mock toast. "That's why I'm not going to kill you for this peak into the secret lives of Caleb and Sammy."

"You're welcome." Sam scooted away from the table. "Now you can stay here and enjoy your beer, or you could come watch me destroy Caleb's naïve dreams of beating me to the perfect game."

"Why not." Dean stood, taking the pitcher with him. "But I'm bringing the beer. Watching you and Damien play to the death in this completely gay game might just be what it takes to finally put me to sleep."

Sam threw an arm around his brother's shoulder. "It could have been worse, Dean. It could have been ballroom dancing."

RCJ


	2. The Luck of the Draw

Conversations 2: The Luck of the Draw

Beta: Tidia

A/N: This little conversation is a tag on for the last episode: C.A.I.A.D. Although I grew tired of hearing 'douche bag' repeated over and over, I was struck by the trio of magicians and the parallels in their friendship to the ones I see in The Brotherhood AU. Hence, the birth of this little snippet. Besides, it was easier to focus on what Dean was doing, insteas of where Sam and Ruby had gone. I hope you enjoy my Muse's playing. Very minor spoilers.

RCJ

_"A good friend remembers what we were and sees what we can be."-Anonymous_

Dean watched Sam exit the tavern, feeling as if he had said the wrong things to Jay, and let his kid brother down. Jay's bitter words stayed with Dean, propelling him to the bar for a much needed drink. The man had killed his best friend, and no matter the reasoning the outcome sucked on a level Dean could only slightly fathom.

Dean tapped on the bar. "Shot of tequila."

"Sure thing," said the brunette bartender as she set a glass in front of him, filled it.

Dean cleared his throat. "Leave the bottle."

"Okay."

He motioned to a booth in the back. "I'll be taking my poison over there. You care to bring over a burger and fries to finish me off?" Dean had lost his appetite, but didn't want to ruin his pity party by getting too drunk too fast.

The brunette gave him a flirtatious smile that any other time Dean might have returned. "I think I can do that."

"Thanks." Dean started to turn but hesitated. "One more thing?"

The woman's smile was back in full force. "Yes?"

Dean pointed to the playing cards on the bar top beside him. "Can I have those?"

"Why?" She gave him a curious look, but the playfulness stayed in her voice. "Are you a magician?"

"Far from it."

She put her hand atop the cards. "A friend of Jay's then? A fan?"

"Something like that." Dean wasn't sure if he admired or was sickened by the older man.

Her face altered instantly to one of sympathy and she slid the deck towards him. "I hated to hear about Charlie. They were really close."

"Yeah." Dean hugged the bottle with one arm, picked up the shot glass and the cards. "It definitely sucks." He slid into the booth, glancing out the window to the darkened streets. Sam's walk would last a while, giving Dean plenty of time to wallow in Jay's misfortune.

He toasted his reflection in the black glass, tossing back his first shot. Any hunt survived was a successful one. Dean closed his eyes, letting the slow burn take the edge off. He set the glass down, refilled it before putting the bottle aside. Dean flexed his fingers, popped his knuckles before picking up Jay's deck. He shuffled the cards, spreading them before him on the scarred table. Dean drew one and flipped it over. The two of spades stared back at him.

"You've got to be kidding me." What were the chances? Dean ran a hand over his mouth, glanced up at the ceiling. "No need for the anvil, Big Guy. The irony isn't wasted on me."

Caleb sprung to his mind unbidden even before the case started going south. Seeing the three old men relate to each other with ease, was like catching an unwanted glimpse of himself, Sammy and Damien. Especially after the bastards set him up with The Chief. Then there was Jay's speech.

Jay and Charlie had been best friends since they were children. Charlie had saved his life, kept him out of trouble and taught him the trade. Jay considered him a brother, and along with Vernon, they had been a family. The supernatural had destroyed that. Charlie's attempt to do right by his friends turned to a disastrous end. Jay was all alone with his righteous choice-a choice that had saved Dean's and Sam's lives. Dean wanted to be more grateful, but he couldn't quite get past the other emotions. Regret, sorrow and more than a hint of anger that Jay made it look so easy to take his own brother's life-an idea that haunted Dean.

Dean felt his eyes sting as he stared at the deuce card. He cleared his throat, reprimanding himself for feeling a pain that wasn't his. Damien was fine. Sam had only left him for a walk, not walked out for good. Dean's family was safe and intact.

Dean tossed the spade back on the table when his cell rang with The Star Wars Theme. He reached in his pocket, wondering if Caleb was picking up on his morose thoughts. Dean cleared his throat. "Are you playing super psychic again, Obi Wan?"

"_Hello?" _

Dean sat up straighter. "Josh?"

"_Yes, Dean. How are you?"_

Joshua sounded nice, too nice in fact. "What the hell are you doing using Caleb's phone? What's wrong?"

"_Caleb is otherwise indisposed at the moment and was afraid you would be alarmed when he missed your planned check- in."_

Dean glanced at the clock on the wall, surprised he'd forgotten Damien was supposed to call at midnight.

"Where the hell is he?" The hairs along Dean's neck were standing at attention. "Did you two finish the job in Telford?"

"_The entity wreaking havoc on the Monroe family has been handled. You can read all about it in my memo about reimbursement for…" _

"Josh, stop stalling. Where's Caleb?"

"_He's in the treatment bay. They don't allow cell phones." _

"Treatment…you're at a fucking hospital?"

"_Yes." _

"And?" Dean demanded. He lowered his voice when several patrons glanced his way. "Why the hell are you in the ER? What happened?"

"_The hunt did not go exactly as planned." _

"Thanks for that newsflash, Mr. Obvious. Let me talk to Caleb."

"_I just told you that Caleb was being seen to. I can assure you his injuries seemed minor." _

"Forgive me if I'm a little wary of your diagnosis seeing as how your degree isn't in medicine, but in bull shitting." Dean ran a hand through his hair, tempted to go in search of Sam so they could get on the road to Telford, Alabama. "Damien hates hospitals. He doesn't go there by choice."

"_As you so eloquently pointed out- I'm not a doctor. My adamant refusal to perform a bastardized surgery left him no choice." _

"Surgery? He needed surgery?"

"_The attending physician says that depends on the location of the projectiles." _

"Put Caleb on the phone." Dean was done chatting. "NOW."

"_Very well."_

Dean focused for the first time on the background noises, a voice on the loud speaker, the screech of a door. He propped his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand. Joshua was speaking again.

"_I'm fine by the way. My stitches are barely noticeable under the swath of black and blue skin." _

Dean ignored the other hunter's prattle, focusing on the new female voice he could hear clearly.

"_Sir, you're not supposed to be back here. There are no cell phones allowed on this ward." _

Josh's tone was his professional PR voice, all maple syrup and honey. _"I'm sorry, but Mr. Reaves has an urgent call that requires his immediate attention. It's his wife-she's quite frantic."_

There was a pause and the woman's voice seemed farther away._ "All right. I guess I can give you five minutes, but then we need to move Mr. Reaves to radiology." _

Dean wasn't surprised the nurse caved. Josh wasn't successful in his career by chance. He supposed there were advantages to having Harland as a father. His thoughts of the Sawyers ended when Caleb's voice came on the line.

"_Deana? That you, darling?" _

Dean recognized the forced casual tone, but the vice around his heart eased at the sound of Caleb's voice. "What the fuck, Damien?"

"_It's good to hear your sweet voice, too, honey bunny." _

"What's going on there?" Dean wasn't buying into the poor attempt at their typical redirect. He wasn't in the mood for jokes. "Why the hell are you going under the knife?"

Caleb didn't answer him, but confronted Josh instead. _"You told him I was having surgery? What the fuck, Johs? I should have never let you call him." _

"_You'll remember that next time. I prefer not to be the messenger."_

Dean picked up the shot he'd poured and tossed it back, relishing in the tequila's bite. "Caleb!"

"_Stop yelling. I'm not having surgery." _

"But Josh said…"

He heard Caleb sigh heavily on the line, and wondered if it was weariness or pain he detected. _"You know how squeamish the mama's boy can be. He wussed out on the whole homeopath doctor routine. Apparently he doesn't have an appropriate tea for extractions." _

"_Forgive me for having the audacity to suggest a specialist."_

Dean pulled the bottle of Jose closer to him as he impatiently waited out the conversation on the other end.

"_Don't you have insurance papers to fill out?" _

"_Of course. Tell your better half I'll handle everything on this end despite my belief this is not Advisor protocol." _

"Caleb." Dean tried to regain his friend's attention. "Were you shot?"

"_Hell, yeah. With a Surebonder 5950 nail gun."_

"You're kidding?"

"_Nope. This gig was like Lethal Weapon 2 meets Poltergeist. The big showdown took place in the Monroe's screened in porch, which is under renovations at the moment. I took a couple 18 gauge brad nails to the arm and shoulder."_

"Shit." Caleb sounded almost amused but Dean recalled the scene from Lethal Weapon when Murtaugh took out the bad guy with the carpenter's tool. He refilled his shot glass.

"_I know. It was my left arm, too. This could so fuck with my bowling game." _

"Where the hell was Josh?"

"_He was dealing with the possessed band saw. It was the luck of the draw, man." _

"Don't say that." Dean downed his third drink.

"_I take it things in Magic Town aren't going well?" _

"No." He poured another. "Not really."

"_Sammy not scoring enough autographs? Did he meet Jeb Dexter?" _

Dean snorted. "You remember him being into this stuff?" He wasn't sure why he was so surprised. Caleb could be as nostalgic as Pastor Jim.

"_How could I forget? For one whole summer his favorite phrase was 'pick a card, any card'. I think his magic wand is still at the farm."_

"I think this job might have killed some of Sammy's childhood enthusiasm." Dean sure hadn't helped to bolster any optimism his brother had.

"_Something go wrong with the hunt?" _

"No. It's handled. Just a whacked out magician trying to put a whole new spin on best friends forever.

"_Where's Sam?" _

Caleb didn't sound convinced and Dean wondered if his friend was able to read him. "He took a walk."

"_That bad, huh?" _

"You know Sammy."

"_I know you, too."_

That was the whole point. The three of them knew each other so well. "How do you think this whole thing is going to end, Damien?"

There was no instant reply and Dean was certain Caleb was at least attempting to sense what he was feeling.

"_You talking specifics like Lilith and the 66 seals or in more general terms?" _

"I mean us, Dude. You, me and Sammy. We're not going to live forever."

"_Yeah. The two of you taking your turn at dying kind of killed that dream for me." _

Dean had joked about the same thing with Sam. It wasn't as funny as before. "I'm being serious."

"_Besides being the future Triad?" _

"Forget The Brotherhood." Dean toyed with his glass. At times his destiny as The Guardian seemed murky, despite his recent formal acceptance of the position.

"_Brotherhood or not, I like to think we get the happy ending. You find a woman who can put up with you, raise a couple kids on the farm. Sammy makes partner in some boring ass law firm, hooks up with his smoking hot legal aid. I can hang out between hunts, charm your women, spoil the rug rats, and help train the next generation. It'll be good, Deuce." _

"You and Sammy know something I don't, Pollyanna?"

"_Don't tell me, Mr. Morbidity. You think it's going to end bloody?"_

"History is on my side. We're hunters. The very nature of what we do lends us to a very ugly end."

"_So does the work of a soldier, police officer and your old dream of being a fireman."_

"It's not the same thing. We're dealing with the Apocalypse. No Triad has faced anything half this serious and survived to tell their grandchildren about it."

"_Dude, we're not like any others before us. We get to write our own story. I prefer it not be some cheesy horror remake or similar to a page out of the Book of Revelations."_

"You can't honestly believe we'll all three make it through this?"

"_I have to believe that. If not, then what's the fucking point?" _

Dean swallowed. To Caleb it was just that simple. In his best friend's mind, angels were good, demons were bad and the guys in the white hats always won in the end. Hell, it's what Dean wanted to believe for Sam. Dean might not have faith in a bright future for himself, but he'd always wanted better for Sammy. His whole life had been built around that hope but with all that was spinning out of control around them it was easy to lose sight of that plan. "I'm just tired of jobs that we finish, but don't really win. It's like two steps forward, three steps back. I don't know if any of it is worth it in the end."

"_Deuce, you know I'd do anything for you, but I can't give you faith, man. You have to find that all on your own." _

"You've given me more than enough, Damien." It wasn't a chance at immortality, but brotherhood also had a way of transcending time. Family was its own saving grace. Sam and Caleb gave Dean a reason to come back from the grave, to leave Hell behind him.

"_Mr. Reaves, you'll have to let your wife go. We need to take you down to radiology now." _

Dean closed his eyes. "Look, dude, listen to the nurse, don't give the doctors a hard time and call me as soon as you and Josh are out of there."

"_You sure you're okay?" _

"Dude, you're the one in the hospital about to go under the blade."

"_Don't worry your pretty little head, Deana. I'll be fine." _

"I'm holding you to that, honey bunny." Dean forced a light laugh. "Remember the Musketeer Oath is more binding than wedding vows." Some more of his worry faded when Caleb chuckled.

"_Go find little Sammy and give him a kiss for me. I'll see you both when I get home." _

Dean snorted at the less than subtle hint. He cut the connection just as the bartender arrived with his burger and fries. The pretty brunette was careful to place the plate off to the side, not to disturb the arc of Charlie's deck. She gestured to the two of spades laying face up. "That your lucky card?"

Dean picked up the deuce, studying it a moment before placing it in his jacket pocket. He scooped up the rest of the deck. "More like my ace in the hole."

"We all need a few tricks up our sleeve." She placed a bottle of ketchup in front of Dean with a wink. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"You can get rid of these." Dean offered her the deck of cards.

"But I thought you wanted to hold on to them for Jay."

Dean shook his head. "Jay won't be needing them where he's going." Dean understood all too well a person didn't have to stop breathing to visit Hell.

"Okay." She slipped the cards into the front of her smock.

Dean gestured to the tequila. "You can take that, too."

She grabbed the bottle along with the shot glass, setting them both on her empty tray. "Not up for poison tonight?"

Dean picked up a fry, glancing to the darkening window. His thoughts invariably turned to Sam. They wouldn't have forever together, or another do-over. "No, nothing so fatal tonight."

Dean watched the woman's reflection in the black glass as she shifted the tray, brushed strands of dark hair behind her ear. "You up for some company? I get off in an hour."

Dean turned to look at her, a half-smile tugging at his lips. There were better ways to kill some time. "Sounds like my lucky night." Dean Winchester would only be young once.

RCJ

A/N: I'm not sure I achieved my goal, which was to lighten some of the morbidity and fatalism of Dean's mood, and to interject some of the AU, but I gave it my best shot. Thanks for reading!-Rid


	3. Switzerland Sucks

Conversation 3: Switzerland Sucks

Beta: Tidia

A/N: First, I'm so worried for the boys. This story is my way of trying to explain some of what's going on, if only to make myself feel a little better. Tidia and I are pretty sure where we want the AU to go, but of course Kripke keeps throwing curve balls, some of which work for us, others not so much. Big thanks to Tidia who took time away from her extremely busy weekend and her own new story to beta this and to Tara who did a read through. Thanks to Lee who actually inspired the title and the Batman reference you'll find below. What will we do for the next few weeks without new episodes??? Well, Ti has a new story coming up. I plan on finishing Blurred this week and actually have a Valentine's story in mind. Maybe we'll be able to keep ourselves and some of you distracted. Happy reading.

**RCJ**

The vision was extremely vivid, holding all Caleb's senses hostage for the brief moment he was caught in its grasp. He was used to watching, numbed to viewing atrocities from the monster's point of view. He had conditioned himself not to fight the helpless feeling years ago, to ignore the guilty ache of being a forced participant and use the connection to the perpetrator to his advantage.

Sam Winchester's face, the fear and disbelief in the kid's eyes as he looked up at whatever was attacking him fired Caleb's protective synapses so detachment was impossible.

Caleb felt the weight of the weapon in his hand, in the monster's hand. Sam was helpless as the first blow struck him, the hatchet buried into his chest. The kid screamed, blood splattering the walls behind him. Caleb felt Sam's rib cage crack as the thing he was connecting with jerked the blade free only to bring it down on Sam's shoulder, nearly severing his right arm.

This was the part where Caleb usually took stock of the surroundings, tried to deduce a location. He would ignore the victim's cries for help, choosing to study them for some type of identification instead. His feelings for Sam made it impossible, but the connection to the assailant was even more troubling. It was more familiar. Pushing the shock of seeing Sam brutalized away, Caleb understood instantly why the vision was different. He was connected to Dean. Deuce was the killer.

The incredible realization broke the spell; leaving Caleb curled on the plush carpet of his hotel room, gasping for breath. He barely made it to the bathroom before offering up his sixty dollar steak dinner as a sacrifice. Finding his phone became a priority. Hearing Bobby's gruff hello after getting Sam and Dean's voicemail was like music.

The mechanic deciphered Caleb's babbling easily enough, barely mumbling 'I'm on it' before hanging up on him. Caleb called him back once he was on the road to get a location, and a brief explanation as to what the hell was going on. He arrived minutes after Singer, stepping into the motel hallway just after the siren drew its last breath.

"'bout time you showed up, Junior." Bobby propped his hands on his hip, giving a shake of his head. "Damn visions cut it too close if you ask me."

Caleb wouldn't disagree. The place looked like a war zone. He stepped over the dead body, his gaze going to Sam, who seemed shell-shocked. At least his chest was intact, no limbs missing. Deuce on the other hand was bleeding.

"You two all right?"

Sam tried to get to his feet. Caleb reached out to help him. The kid wavered once he was standing and Caleb gripped his shoulders. "Sammy? You with me?"

The kid blinked, looking completely out of it. Caleb brought one hand to his neck, opening his mind to make sure Sam was coherent. There was faint resistance and then Sam met his gaze. _'I'm okay.'_

'_Good.' _The silent communication reassured Caleb. He made certain Sam was steady before turning to his best friend. "Deuce?"

"What are you doing here, man?"

Caleb frowned, thinking it should be obvious. He laid a finger on his temple. "Vision. You still have a killer swing."

Dean's green gaze filled with something akin to guilt, maybe it was shame. "Great."

Caleb gestured to his shoulder. "You're bleeding."

"Bobby stabbed me."

Caleb turned towards the mechanic who shrugged. He pulled the offending knife from the dead guy's back, wiping it on his jeans. "I needed the blood of a stricken sailor-kid fit the bill."

"That explains everything."

"The authorities won't be so easily appeased," Bobby said. He looked at Sam. "You up to helping me get rid of the fake Fed, Stretch?"

"Okay."

"I'll leave the other wonder twin with you."

"I got it covered." Caleb met Dean's gaze, felt the feelings rolling off his friend, and wondered if he had spoken too soon. A band aid wouldn't begin to cover it.

Where Sam had been subdued, Dean was hard to pin down, attempting to pick up the destroyed room in lieu of talking. "We need to get that door back on the hinges."

Caleb recognized the tactic, but finally cornered him in the bathroom with the first aid kit.

"Ow!"

Dean pulled away and Caleb took a tighter hold of the younger hunter's arm. "You know the drill. Suck it up, kiddo."

Dean gritted his teeth but sat still on the edge of the tub. "Why don't you pull out a Brill-o pad and some ammonia, Damien?"

"Considering that blade came from Bobby's place it might not be a bad idea." Caleb continued tending the wound. "Why don't you skip the typical subterfuge and tell me what's really bothering you, Deuce."

"I already gave you the run down. Didn't you get an up close and personal view of the final inning?" Dean winced as Caleb pushed the edges of the wound together, placing the first butterfly over the narrow gash. "I nearly killed Sam."

Caleb sighed, gently finishing the dressing. "This siren was different than the others we dealt with, but I remember how powerful they were, what that bitch did to you down in Boca Raton. Pastor Jim considered them worthy adversaries."

Dean licked his lips. "I fell for this one just as easy."

Caleb tossed the supplies in the kit. "At least you didn't end up in bed with the guy, dude." When Dean didn't look at him, Caleb knew the joke had fallen flat. Humor wasn't going to get them far in this situation.

"He seduced me just the same, minus the rack and nice ass."

Caleb knelt in front of Dean, handing him the clean shirt he'd grabbed from the kid's duffel. "He poisoned you, man." Dean had explained how he shared the flask with his buddy Nick-the way the bastard had turned Dean's feelings for Sam against him.

Dean took the tee. "He had me on the line a long time before he set the hook. I was primed and ready when he went for the score."

Caleb felt a stab of guilt. If he'd been there, things would not have gotten so far. "Dude, that's what they do. They're psychic. They project whatever you need the most. Look what that thing got those other men to do."

"Exactly." Dean lowered his voice. "How pathetic does that make me?"

"Hey." Caleb shook Dean's leg, waiting for the younger hunter to look at him. "Cut that shit out. You are not pathetic."

"Have you been listening to me, Damien? I fell for the whole bit, the Impala, the music… He had me at 327 four-barrel. It was embarrassing."

"Sam's the most important person in your life. From what you said, the siren got off on getting its victim to destroy what they loved most. The sonofabitch was manipulating a weakness. That's all."

Dean looked at him. "Am I weak?"

"What?" Caleb let his hand slide from Dean's knee. "No. That's not what I meant."

"Do you think I hold back now…since I came back from Hell?"

Caleb got the distinct impression gears had shifted without his knowledge and they were suddenly speeding down a hill into unknown territory. "Hold back how?"

"With Lilith and Alistair?"

"Are you kidding me? Lilith and Alistair aren't light weights. Even your angel buddies are having a hard time with them. It would be foolish to rush in, to think we were evenly matched."

Dean nodded. "Batman can kick Superman's ass, but he has to have precise timing, the perfect tools and a fucking stupendous plan."

Caleb gave a half grin. "That's what Johnny always said." He pushed himself up from the floor, taking the spot on the tub's rim by Dean. "Dude, where's all this coming from?"

Dean's eyes were bright, but determined. "What if it's not all about being prepared, picking the battle? What if I'm a coward?"

"Deuce you are so far from being a coward…it's ridiculous. You're the strongest person I know."

Dean's brow furrowed and Caleb didn't miss the doubt in the green gaze. "You're biased."

"Biased or not, I wouldn't lie to you."

"Sammy's lying to me."

"Sam's trying to figure it all out," Caleb said. Sam had talked to him some about the issues of his abilities, how Dean felt about his new advancement. Caleb would be the first to admit it stung that Sam went to Ruby for help, but he wasn't convinced it was the slippery slope Dean believed. "He doesn't want to make things harder for you. He's just dealing with what he's had dumped on his plate."

"We used to work through things together."

"What exactly happened when you two went at it?" Caleb knew the siren had turned the boys on one another, but he didn't consider what it had used to set them off.

Dean laughed. "Let's just say Nick gave us a chance to discuss our issues, air some dirty laundry."

"Mac's psychotherapy shit gives people an outlet to do that, dude. Sessions don't usually end with ax murders."

"I said some things." Dean stared at his hands, his red swollen knuckles. "I called him on the Ruby shit. Accused him of sneaking around behind my back, working with that demon bitch."

"And what did Sam have to say?" Caleb wondered if that was the question he should have started with. The way Dean averted his gaze gave him his answer. "Deuce?"

The pain swirling in Dean's green eyes brought a lump to Caleb's throat. "I don't even know him anymore."

"I know you two have hit a bumpy strip, like Stanford, but he's still your brother, Deuce."

"What if you're wrong?" Dean licked his lips. "Sometimes, some of the shit he does…the secrets, the way he acts like he knows everything, like this is all some kind of personal vendetta for him-I can't help but to think how he's like Dad."

Caleb was the one who glanced away, the familiar mixture of feelings that always accompanied his mentor's name washing over him. John was dogged and convinced he knew what was best for those around him.

"What if Sammy's gone?"

The soft question brought his gaze back to Dean, but the slamming of a door spared him a lame reply. Caleb felt guilty for the relief the sound of Sam and Bobby's voice brought. He bumped Dean's good shoulder. "I've got some Vicodin out in my bag. It'll help with the pain." He knew all too well that no drug was going to ease his best friend's suffering, but he had to do something.

"I'm supposed to meet up with an old cult contact of mine, but I can call Ethan…"

"No." Dean shook his head. "Go, man. I'll be okay."

"Then how about you and Sammy meet up with me for the gig?" Caleb couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was building, a storm in the distance. "This staying separate plan of yours sucks."

Caleb's worry increased when Dean didn't disagree. "You saying you need help, Damien?"

"I'm saying I don't want to end up collateral damage of fratricide, being the sole remaining third of The Triad would suck."

"No one wants to be left alone." Dean raised a brow and his mouth barely twitched. "But I wouldn't mind some privacy while I take a shower."

Caleb stood, offering Deuce a hand up. "I'll leave the pills with Sammy and I'll give you a call when I get the details."

Dean grasped his forearm, making it to his feet. "Thanks, Damien."

"Deuce…" Caleb tightened his grip. "Sammy's going to be okay. Everything's going to work out. I promise."

The look Dean gave him didn't inspire confidence, but he found the strength to let the kid go, taking comfort in the fact he would be able to keep a close eye on both Winchesters in the coming weeks. Sam met him as he came out of the bathroom.

"Dean all right?"

Caleb smirked. "He probably won't even have a scar."

"Kid disappointed?" Bobby said. "I know he's working hard to restore bragging rights since coming back a clean slate."

Caleb read the underlying concern. He met the mechanic's gaze. "I think he'll get over it. He just needs some time."

"Probably should stay busy." Bobby scratched his beard. "Don't you have a hunt coming up?"

Caleb smiled. "Already got it covered." He motioned to Sam. "Walk me out, Runt?"

Sam glanced to the closed bathroom door where the sounds of the shower could be heard. "Sure. Looks like Dean got first dibs on the hot water."

"Hunter's Handbook says the guy who bleeds the most gets the first shower. You know the rule, Sammy."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

The kid followed him out, but was quiet until they reached the parking lot where he stopped short of Caleb's car. "He told you, didn't he?"

Caleb turned to look at him, recognizing the defensive posture. "Told me what?"

"About the things I said." Sam slid his hand through his hair. "He's not holding me back. I don't think he's weak or stupid."

Suddenly the conversation he'd had with Dean was becoming clear. Caleb rubbed his neck. "That's good to know because nothing's further from the truth."

"I knew you wouldn't understand."

Sam didn't give him time to respond before he was tightening his own noose. "It wasn't like I meant it. I was under the siren's spell. Just like Dean. He said things too. Did he tell you that or did he conveniently leave out those parts?"

"Deuce said he accused you of seeing Ruby? Working on your abilities?"

"Exactly." Sam nodded. "He didn't give me a chance to explain."

"Well?" Caleb folded his arms over his chest. "Are you working with her again?"

Sam looked at him. "She knows what she's doing." The puppy dog eyes came out in full force. "She's got an advantage that we can use."

"Damn it, Sam." Caleb rubbed his eyes, the kid's pleading look mixing badly with the remnants of his vision, the picture of Sam bloodied and broken. "She's a demon. We've talked about this. She's telling you what you want to hear, what you need to hear. If that sonofabitch siren had gotten to you first, he'd showed up as Ruby with a fucking halo."

"I know she's no angel, but she understands what I'm trying to do."

"And that sweet little ass she body-snatched has nothing to do with it?"

"Now you sound like Dean. You think I'm only attracted to monsters, too?"

Caleb snorted. Meg, Madison, and Ruby were not a good track record. "You do like them with their issues."

"This isn't some joke to me," Sam said. "Ruby takes me seriously. She doesn't want to hold me back, not like…"

"Not like Dean?" Caleb took a step forward, all levity disappearing. "Is that what you think? That Dean is purposively trying to keep you from reaching your potential? Why would he do that? All he's ever wanted to do is protect you."

"He can't protect me from myself." The anger in Sam's tone surprised Caleb, as did the feelings of disgust he picked up from the younger psychic. "He's doing just what Dad told him to do, as always. He's trying to keep me from becoming evil because that was Dad's dying wish. God forbid Dean fail at a mission from John Winchester. He'd rather Dad be right, than see the other possibility-the one where I might actually know what's best for me. He can't see _who_ I really am. He doesn't even fucking know me."

Caleb held back on pointing out that was one thing both brothers were in agreement on. Instead, he took a deep breath and tried to find that part of himself that could be objective-Switzerland Caleb. It was admittedly a small place, almost impossible to get to in the wake of Dean's desolation and Sam's accusations. It didn't help that both Winchesters were physically hurt, their connection as a Triad making it nearly impossible for Caleb to ignore their pain. He concentrated on the one thing he could agree with. "Your old man fucked up-a lot. But he never thought you were evil, Sammy."

"He was afraid. He didn't want you or Mac to train me; he didn't even want me to know about my abilities. Dad didn't trust me. Just like Dean doesn't trust me. He will always be a hunter first. It's in his blood to doubt and fear what he can't understand. You've said as much. "

"No." Caleb shook his head. "You're twisting my words, putting Ruby's spin on them. Can't you see how she's manipulating the situation?"

"Like I haven't been manipulated before? My whole life has been one big manipulation. For the first time since Stanford I'm in charge of where I'm going, what I'm doing." Some of Sam's heat faded and he took a step closer to Caleb, his eyes pleading for an ally. "I'm taking something terrible and using it against the enemy. It's the very same thing Pastor Jim did by choosing us for The Triad."

"What?" Caleb stepped back as Sam's words sunk in. "Are you insane?"

"Jim knew we were tainted and he gambled on using the enemy's weapon against them. And it worked. We are the most powerful Scholar and Knight ever to be in a Triad."

"Sammy, you need to let this go. Dean's afraid something will happen to you." Caleb was beginning to feel the same. Guilt tugged his gut. "Jim wasn't being led by any demon faction. He had pure intentions-our best interests at heart. He was hiding us in plain sight. Protecting us."

Sam sighed. "Maybe you just don't want to realize how much we have in common with her."

"We are nothing like her!" The words were bouncing off Sam like concrete. Caleb suddenly recalled the fact he had never won one argument with John Winchester. It didn't bode well for getting through to his youngest son. Dean was right, sometimes the similarities were scary. Sam proved his point by stepping into Caleb's personal space, taking a hold of his jacket.

"When Dean was gone, when we were hunting, you can't tell me that you didn't feel different. That you didn't feel right when we were using our abilities to their full potential."

"We were grieving. Hurt. Angry. Royally pissed off." Caleb lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. "Nothing about that time was normal."

"Nothing about _this_ time is normal. Dean is back, but Lilith is still out there. She's plotting to bring about the end of the world. The whole world Caleb, not just the one all wrapped around Dean."

Switzerland Caleb vanished under the poorly veiled insult. He pulled away from Sam's loose grasp. "This is wrong, Sam. Dean is right about Ruby."

"Just because my plans aren't in line with Dean's plans, with Uriel's and Castiel's agenda doesn't make them wrong."

"If they're not wrong, then why hide them? Why keep them from him, from us?"

"For the same reason you hid the amulet from Dean."

"Goddamnit, Sam!" Caleb wanted to shake him. "Don't you see you just made my point for me? Using the amulet was wrong and I knew it. "

"After Dean died, you told me you wished we hadn't destroyed it. You said you had never felt more powerful than when you were using it."

"I had just lost my best friend. I wanted a way to bring him back any way I could."

"Maybe I'm doing this for Dean. I'm going after Lilith. She sent him to Hell. She's the reason Alistair got his hands on Dean. Are you really willing to forget that?"

Caleb ran a hand over his mouth. "I will never forget that. All I'm saying is there's probably a good fucking reason the angels don't trust us."

"You don't trust me?"

"Of course I trust you."

"Then try to understand what I'm doing. Sam tilted his head. _'Please.'_

Caleb threw up his mental blocks, as effective as slamming a door and answered out loud. "I can understand a lot of things, but hurting Dean isn't one of them."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt Dean. It was the siren."

"Notice that Dean didn't hurt you."

"Are you fucking kidding me? He knocked me through a door, took a hatchet to me." Sam gestured to the bruises starting to show on his face. "You saw what he was planning to do. Bobby told me about the vision."

"His words- his words didn't hurt you."

"That's lame, man, and as usual you are on _his_ side, totally ignoring the fact he was going to kill his brother. At least I was strong enough not to do that . . ."

"You fought it, and Dean didn't because he is weak."

"I didn't say that."

"But Ruby will." Caleb was certain the bitch had her claws in Sam, could almost picture how she would paint this latest hunt, turn it against Dean. He pleaded his case to the Sam he knew, level-headed, logical, fair, Sammy. "You wanted to be a lawyer once. Think about what you're saying before you say it. You can strike something from the record, but the jury still hears it, carries it with them. You know, Deuce. Taking an ax to him wouldn't have caused half as much damage as that emotional ringer you used."

But the Sam he was searching for evaded him. "Maybe I won't say anything at all."

Caleb straightened his shoulders. "Maybe that's the right course of action." He pointed a finger at the younger psychic. "After you say you're sorry."

Sam gave him an incredulous look. "I mean it." Caleb tapped his ring, pointed to the silver band on Sam's hand. He wasn't above using a John Winchester move either. "That's an order."

Sam shook his head. "Whatever."

"You're lucky, Runt, don't forget it."

"Lucky that my brother didn't kill me with an ax?"

"No." Caleb opened the door to his car, grabbing Mac's old medical bag. He took out the promised meds and tossed them to Sam. "Lucky that he'll forgive you for just about anything if you really mean it."

Sam looked at the bottle, raising his gaze to meet Caleb's once more. "If not for the siren, I would have never said those things to Dean."

Sam's declaration was as about as comforting to Caleb as Dean's earlier attempt at a halfhearted grin had been, but Switzerland Caleb accepted it for a white flag. He opened his mind, relaxed his guard, and bridged the distance between them. _'I know, Sammy. I know.'_

Being Switzerland sucked but it was far better than a possible place in the distance. A place where Caleb could be forced to make an impossible choice.

RCJ


	4. Possibilities

Conversations # 4: Possibilities

By: Ridley C. James

Beta: Tidia

A/N: Just a Valentine's Day Conversation because I believed a little light-HEARTedness (Ridley laughs at her own pun) was called for after the drama of late and I couldn't resist doing something for one of my favorite holidays. This takes place after Sex and Violence. It's a little different for me-I think Tidia was speechless for a moment when I said I really wanted to write it, so I hope you enjoy reading it.

RCJ

_"Love conquers all things." _

Mackland was torn, completely indecisive. How ironic that his ability to make split-second decisions in the most intense and critical of moments had been one of the talents to catapult his surgical career. As The Scholar of The Brotherhood, the last remaining member of the current Triad, there were times when he made choices with possible global consequences. Yet, he could not choose between The Chilled Fishers Island Oysters and The River Café Oysters. His patient server, Reginald, finished pouring the champagne and smiled at him. Mackland adjusted his red tie, gesturing to the gold-inlay menu.

"I'm sorry, Reginald. It all looks wonderful."

"If I might, I would go with the Warm Pear Salad." Reginald pointed to the featured appetizer. "Tonight is the night of love and romance. Tradition is fine, but we want to refrain from cliché." He raised a brow at the antique rose and lavender orchid arrangement Mackland had requested from Ovando. "A touch of the whimsical and original is appreciated. Yes, Dr. Ames?"

Mackland gave one last look towards the ladies room before closing the menu and placing it aside. "Yes. I think the lady will favor your suggestion, but bring some caviar, too."

Reginald nodded. "Of course. Will you be requiring potato chips with that?"

"No." Mackland laughed, thankful for the server's rueful humor and astute memory. "I don't share my son's idea that caviar is a very expensive version of onion dip."

Reginald placed the champagne in the ice bucket. "Very good then."

Mackland's smile disappeared, his apprehension returning as Reginald left him. He picked up his glass, taking a gulp of Krug's Clos du Mesnil. His father, Cullen, would have been appalled; chastising that one did not guzzle anything priced 750 dollars a bottle. Mackland emptied the glass with another large drink. John would have suggested tequila, or his favorite Johnny Walker Red.

Thoughts of his old friend had him reaching for his cell phone. He pulled it from his pocket, fingering the key pad until John's name appeared. The familiar number bolstered his courage more than the bubbly, and he placed his Blackberry to the side, taking solace in the illusion it permitted.

"Are you all right?"

Esme's soft voice brought him from his reverie and he stood quickly to pull out her chair. "I ordered our appetizer. I hope you don't mind."

Esme smiled. "I trust everything here is magnificent." She fingered the Hermes scarf Mackland had given her in the limo ride over. "Besides, you have wonderful taste, Dr. Ames."

Mackland retook his seat with a chagrined smile. "I'll confess that I consulted several sources on color and pattern. Alison lobbied for a flight for two to Paris instead of purchasing locally."

"Using Brotherhood resources for your personal agenda?" Esme's eyes filled with amusement as she lifted her glass and sipped at the champagne.

"Sometimes I think my personal life and role as The Scholar have become so enmeshed that there are no longer any clear boundaries."

Esme reached across the table for his hand. "I admire your passion and dedication for your work. Pastor Jim would be extremely proud."

Mackland turned his hand over, gently squeezing her fingers. "I'm sorry work won't allow us to make a whole weekend of your visit." Esme had flown in from Virginia that afternoon, the holiday a particularly busy one for her shop. Mackland wasn't the only one juggling several roles.

"This night is more than enough." Esme glanced around the restaurant. "It's beautiful."

"I can't even claim credit for the setting. This is Caleb's favorite."

"I can understand why." Esme looked out onto the view of Manhattan and New York Harbor that The Terrace Room was famous for. "The bridge is breathtaking at night."

Mackland swallowed thickly, remembering his first visit to the The River Cafe. "You know people thought Michael O'Keeffe insane for wanting to build on the edge of The Brooklyn Docks?"

Esme returned her gaze to his. "Most people lack the vision to see the potential in bleak situations."

Mackland nodded. "In the seventies, this part of the city was barren and devoid of positive influences. The neighborhood was hard, cold, a scary place. They said he would never succeed."

Esme lifted a defined brow. "That's so hard to imagine considering the warmth and generosity that emanates now."

Her insight never failed to impress him. "Believe it or not, there was a time when I was a lot like the old Brooklyn."

Esme ran her fingers along the edge of her jade scarf, the small gold birds and ivy catching in the candle light. "Again, I find that hard to envision."

Mackland cleared his throat. "Cullen brought me an article about O'Keeffe during my convalescence from my accident. It was one of the many success stories my father inundated me with."

"Your father is a brilliant strategist."

"True." Mackland poured more champagne in Esme's glass before filling his own. "If Jim could have wooed Cullen into the folds of The Brotherhood, he would have taken the role of Scholar right out from beneath me."

Esme laughed. "I doubt that Cullen Ames would have had your patience in dealing with the likes of John Winchester."

Mackland glanced to his phone, the pang of grief only faint beneath the wash of happier memories. "I do believe the old man would have cracked, or insisted upon Johnathan's head on a platter."

"It goes back to having that certain vision." Esme took a drink of her champagne, hiding her smile. "To seeing the diamond in the rough."

"Cullen is most definitely a realist," Mackland said. "He admitted to me that he would never have invested in O'Keeffe's preposterous business idea and admitted how much money he lost by not backing that horse. Note his revelation was perfectly timed after one of my brilliant colleagues predicted my chances of ever walking again, let alone returning to medicine, bleak at best."

"Your father believed in you. Children have a way of turning even the most devout pragmatists into believers."

Mackland agreed completely. His father had made a huge difference in his recovery. "Cullen brought me here to The River Cafe for dinner the night I took my first steps. I was still in a wheelchair at the time, but I felt as if I could have run all the way back to Manhattan."

Esme's eyes glistened. "Then tonight is even more special."

"I've never brought anyone here, but Caleb." Mackland smiled at the thought of his son. "I'll never forget the look on his face the first time he stared out at the bridge. It was like I was seeing the city for the first time. I couldn't imagine it ever being anything but magnificent after viewing it through his eyes."

"It must have been as O'Keeffe saw it from the beginning. Your son has the soul of an artist."

"And the cunning of his grandfather. He talked me into letting him order two steaks that night and persuaded me to convince the chef that there was no disgrace in pairing the aged beef with French fries instead of sweet potato puree. I thought Reginald might faint when Caleb covered both the potatoes and steak with Ketchup."

Esme laughed. "I miss the teenage years, don't you?"

"No." Mackland shook his head, but couldn't keep the small grin from his mouth. "Not in the least."

Esme's comment was interrupted as Reginald returned to their table with the appetizers. "I hope the champagne is to your liking?" He asked as he first presented Esme with her plate, then Mackland.

"It's wonderful," Esme said.

"I'm usually forced to send one of the staff across the street for Samuel Adams when Dr. Ames and his son visit us. I think this is the first time he's taken my suggestions, but of course this is the first time he's brought such a lovely companion."

"I'll tell Caleb you missed him," Mackland said.

Reginald smiled. "I take it I won't need to request a bottle of Heinz's finest either?"

"No." Mackland handed his menu to the man. "I'll take my sea bass as the chef intended."

"One Branzino Fillet for the good doctor." Reginald glanced to Esme. "And for the lady?"

"The aged sirloin sounds delicious."

Reginald nodded in approval. "Beautiful and unafraid to eat beef. I am beginning to like you more and more."

Esme unfolded her napkin and laid it across her lap. "I take it you and Caleb are regulars?"

Mackland spread caviar on a tiny corn pancake. "Only on our anniversary."

Esme looked up from her pear salad. "Anniversary?"

Mackland felt some of his anxiety from before return. "This is where I asked Caleb to be my son." Mackland remembered his nervousness from that night, how he feared what the fourteen year old might say. "I wanted his approval before I pursued the final steps of adoption. I needed to be sure that he wanted me as his family."

Esme put down her fork. "How could he not."

Mackland appreciated the hint of dismay. "It had been a rather rocky first year. I had no clue as to what in the world I was doing."

"I believe all first time parents feel that way."

"I think it's different with adoption." Mackland picked up his champagne. "When there isn't that instantaneous bond, the blood connection, there's always a fear that you might disappoint them or fall short of what they deserve."

"No, Mackland." Esme shook her head. "All parents share that fear. A family isn't instantly created upon the birth of a child. It's something that's built with years of love and trust."

"Still," Mackland smiled. "I think I held my breath the entire five minutes he took to study that magnificent bridge out there."

"It must have been hard for someone so young to take a chance after all that he'd been through."

Mackland could easily recall the way his son's amber eyes had regarded him after leaving the skyline, the fledgling probe of his thoughts for any dishonesty, any doubt. "I felt like the luckiest man alive when he said yes."

"I don't think he would refuse you much."

"I worry about him." He worried about Dean and Sam, too. John's sons had become like his own over the years.

"The ever present downside to parenting."

Mackland raised his glass to her. "You are an amazing mother."

Esme blushed. "I've made my fair share of mistakes, but I've always had Joshua's best intentions at heart."

Mackland felt the weight of her gaze, the hint of sadness in her features. They had both hurt one another in their pursuit to put their boys first. It was not something he would ever fault her for; although he berated himself for the time he had wasted. "Family is the most important thing we have."

Esme lifted her own glass, tapping it lightly against his. "To family." Her face changed instantly. It lost all traces of remorse, lighting up with excitement as she gave Mackland a teasing grin. "Speaking of which. I almost forgot about my gift to you."

"My gift?" Mackland put his glass down. "I thought we agreed not to do gifts."

"The flowers? And my scarf?" Esme said, touching the silk drape. "What might those be considered?"

"I've learned the hard way women rarely tolerate Valentine's day without gifts, no matter what they might say."

She frowned. "If I recall, I was very understanding about last year's slight"

"You were." His mind had been on other things like Dean's looming deadline. Mackland nodded to the scarf. "But I still felt I needed to make amends."

"You're completely forgiven." She put a red foil-wrapped box on the table between them. "Consider this a token of clemency."

Mackland took the box. He tore the wrappings away, removing the lid to reveal a silver picture frame.

"I thought it would go with the collection on your desk."

The photograph was of Caleb, Dean, Sam and Joshua, caught in a rare moment. All four of them sporting careless smiles, leaning against the railing of Pastor Jim's porch. The Triad and their Advisor. The future. A lump wedged in his throat.

"Mother took it at Christmas," Esme said. "I thought with all that's happening you might need reminding of the diamond you helped uncover- the dream you believed in."

Her hand found his, soft and warm on his cool skin. "Everything Pastor Jim worked for, the bright possibility he saw in the darkness has come to light. They are all that anyone could have hoped and you helped make that a reality."

Mackland touched the gilded frame, lifting his gaze to Esme's. "It's perfect."

She squeezed his hand. "They do make a handsome bunch."

"They are definitely a family any man would be proud to have." He took hold of Esme's hand, convinced now was the moment. "I want us to be a family."

Esme's brow furrowed at what he was sure sounded like desperation in his voice. "You are a family, Mackland. Sam, Dean and Caleb think the world of you and…"

"No. I mean, I know, but I want all of us to be a family. You and I, Esme. I want us to be together." It was not coming out like he had intended. He imagined John was laughing his ass off somewhere in the great cosmos as he blundered his way through the worst possible proposal in history. Mackland was surprised his phone didn't ring with an ethereal connection. Bobby would hear none of this. The mechanic would never let him live it down.

"Mackland…"

"No. Wait." He stood, nearly knocking his glass of expensive champagne over in his rush to push his chair back. He was halfway around the table, on his knees, when he caught site of Reginald with their food in his peripheral vision. Thank God the man had the good graces to turn around and motion his accompanying servers back to the kitchen.

Esme was looking at him, as was every other person at the surrounding tables. In that moment, Mackland didn't care to make a fool of himself. He pulled the Tiffany's box from his pocket, opening the lid to reveal the diamond he'd purchased -no consultation necessary.

"Esme Madrigal, will you marry me?"

He was well aware there were a hundred reasons why she should say no. For one, Mackland's timing was horrible and not just in relation to their food service. Mackland had planned on suggesting a stroll after dinner, perhaps in Central Park. He'd pop the question somewhere beautiful, solitary. Then there was the fact they had only just reconciled, demons were running amuck, and the apocalypse was possibly at hand.

"How could I not?"

Mackland blinked, hoping he'd heard her right over the soft piano music and murmured whisperings around them.

"Did you…"

"I said yes, Mackland." She placed a hand on his face. "Yes."

Before she could change her mind, he quickly took the princess cut solitaire and placed it on Esme's finger. He smiled up at her, feeling like the luckiest man alive. Applause serenaded their kiss and Mackland even took a little bow before returning to his seat. "The champagne must have gone to my head."

"Love is quite intoxicating. It has been known to make complete fools of men." Reginald regarded him with a small smile as he placed another bottle of champagne on the table. "Compliments of River City."

Mackland laughed. "You're not upset at the incredible cliché?"

Reginald shook his head. "I saw it coming a mile away, but I was expecting you to make it through dessert."

Mackland looked at Esme. "It took me ten years to ask her on a date, Reggie. I couldn't wait one minute longer."

"Shall I bring your dinner now or is it off to the courthouse for a midnight rendezvous with Mayor Bloomberg?"

Esme laughed. "I think we have time for a quick meal. Mackland?"

"Sea bass is my favorite."

"Very good then." Reginald left them to their semi-privacy.

Mackland watched Esme study the ring. "If you don't like it…"

"No." Esme quickly met his gaze. "It's beautiful. Perfect." Her eyes went to the diamond again. "I never want to take it off…"

"But?" Mackland's gut clenched.

"But, Darling, I'm not sure if now is the time to announce our engagement."

To punctuate her point, Mackland's cell rang. He glanced at the screen, prepared to ignore the call. Caleb's name flashed and he quickly apologized to Esme before answering.

"Son? Is everything all right?" Caleb explained the latest situation with the Winchesters. John's sons were not boding well after an encounter with a siren. He closed his eyes briefly. "Should I cancel my flight to Jamaica?" The trip to the exotic island was business and important, but could be rearranged if necessary. Mackland suffered a pang of guilt for not making more time for all the boys.

The worry in his son's voice didn't help matters, but Mackland conceded to continue his trip as planned when Caleb explained Dean and Sam would be with him for their upcoming hunt. Caleb insisted he could handle the situation. "Then I'll see you all when I get back. Take care of yourself and Dean and Sam."

"Is something wrong?" Esme asked.

Mackland placed the phone in his pocket with a heavy sigh. "Hopefully, no."

"As you said earlier, these are busy times for The Scholar."

"I don't see them letting up."

"Exactly why there's no rush to add extra excitement where none is needed."

Mackland nodded. "We'll celebrate properly soon. I promise."

"We have tonight." Esme took his hand, squeezing it. "It's more than enough."

Mackland brought her fingers to his lips, kissing them. He glanced to the picture of their boys. "We have our whole lives ahead of us." It was a future, full of promise where anything aspired to was indeed possible.

RCJ

Happy Valentine's Day


	5. Lies of Omission

Conversations 5: Lies of Omissions

Beta: Tidia

A/N: As always, because there is more that needs to be said and we have to weave the threads in for the outline we have for our own season four finale. ;-) I know I drive Tidia crazy with these (Tidia's note: She does! My brain hurts and then I need a Josh fix.), but she added to this one. Lucky for me we needed to do some lying of groundwork. Spoilers for Death Takes a Holiday as this tag picks up right at the end of that episode.

RCJ

Dean couldn't believe she was dead. He'd dragged her into their fucking mess with her protesting the entire drive to Wyoming. Dean played every guilt trip, used every charm tactic to get her in on the plan and it worked. It worked all too fucking well. He couldn't blame Pamela for cursing the day she met the Winchesters.

Dean's cell phone rang, breaking his self flagellation. He glanced to Sam who was still staring at Pamela's lifeless body with disbelief, a good dose of kicked puppy thrown into the mix. Whatever her dying words to his brother had been, they'd shaken Sam.

Dean couldn't decide if wanted to brow beat for answers or comfort his brother. He couldn't do both at the same time. The relentless ring tone gave validity to the easier path of inaction. "What?"

"_You finally answered."_

Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Not a good time, Ethan…"

"_Tell me about it. Try finding a ride in the middle of the night when you're stinking of corpse and kerosene." _

"Dude," Dean tried not to think of the impending salt and burn he and Sam would have to perform. "Get to the point."

"_Have you talked to Caleb?" _

Dean suddenly realized why an unexpected call from Ethan Mathews was important. "Where is Caleb?"

"_That's the million dollar question, Corleone." _

Dean rolled his eyes at the Godfather nickname Ethan had tagged him with. He and Damien had been spending too much time together. "He was on a hunt with you."

"_He was until he got a feeling and couldn't get a hold of you or Sam. He bolted, man. Left me to handle the wrap up, which I wouldn't have minded, but he took the last bus out, which just happened to be my Pathfinder because we left the Lamborghini at the ranch."_

"Fuck." Dean had a very bad feeling of his own. "Hold on a minute."

He cupped a hand over the mouthpiece of his phone and looked up to find Sam watching him.

"What's wrong?"

"Would Caleb have sensed our little soul-walking expedition?"

Sam's face drained of what little color it had. "Shit!" He stood up, glancing around the room. "I didn't think about warning him."

"Warning him about what?"

"Where's my fucking phone?" Sam reached for his jacket tossed across the chair.

Dean stood. "Sam?"

His brother glared at him. "Our souls left our bodies for a walk on the other side, through the veil."

"That out of super psychic's range?"

Sam snorted. "Completely. It would have been like we…"

His brother hesitated, so Dean came to the conclusion as his chest tightened. "Died?"

"Like when the hell hounds killed you." Sam quickly patted the pockets of his jacket, throwing it aside when his phone didn't turn up. "Trust me. It's not a pleasant sensation."

"Shit." Dean echoed his brother's words, bringing the phone back to his face. "Why the hell did you let him go?"

"_Seriously? Did you want me to shoot him? Because anything short of that wasn't keeping him from hitting the road and heading straight for the last place you checked in. He mentioned Greybull."_

Dean couldn't believe he hadn't considered what their ghost impersonations would entail. He'd called his best friend after getting the supposed tip from Bobby about the job in Wyoming. Caleb was busy working the gig with Ethan, and would meet up with them the next day.

"_He called Bobby and found out he hadn't talked to you guys in days. He tried both your cells repeatedly." _

Dean picked up on the hint of accusation. "We were out of the area."

"_Yeah, well Reaves was a little out of his mind."_

Dean focused on Sam's frantic search for his cell. "He would have felt it when we came back. Right?"

"_What?" Ethan replied._

"Not you," he snarled into the phone. "Hold on a second."

"Sam? Did you hear me? He would have known when we came back to this plane?"

Sam shot him a dour look, started for the bathroom. "It's not that simple."

Dean followed him, leaning against the doorway. "What does that mean? We went off line. We came back on line."

"No." Sam grabbed his shaving kit, digging through the contents. "The telepathic link doesn't work that way. Once the thread is severed, you have to willfully make the reconnection again. It's difficult, and why we didn't sense you coming back until we were at the church. Even then we thought it was an echo."

Dean frowned when Sam recovered his phone beneath a hand towel on the sink. It shouldn't have surprised him the last call his brother had made was done during the privacy of his shower.

"Fifteen missed calls," Sam said.

Dean felt sick. "Call him. Now!"

"_I tried that." _

He gripped his phone tighter. "Not you, Mathews."

Ethan's sigh was heavy across the line. Dean realized he wasn't the only one worried.

"_I hope you have better luck because once he left here he wouldn't answer my calls. Not Joshua's or Bobby's either." _

Dean met Sam's gaze, willing Damien to pick up. Sam shook his head. "It went straight to voicemail." He watched as his brother called again.

"Fuck." Dean tapped his hand against his forehead in frustration. "How long ago did he leave you?"

"_About five hours." _

Dean heard another voice in the background, then Ethan spoke again.

"_Eli estimates he should be close to Wyoming by now, barring any stops and my ride acting up." _

The proximity gave Dean an idea. He covered the receiver again, stepping into the bathroom closer to his brother. "Can you reestablish the psychic connection? Eli thinks Caleb should be close by."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Maybe." He licked his lips. "I can try."

He watched Sam close his eyes, the intense effort deepening the lines in Sam's face. Sam surprised him by reaching out after a few moments, wrapping his long fingers around Dean's free hand. It was the first time in a long time his brother had initiated any kind of contact. The unfamiliarity of the touch was unsettling, sending a tingling sensation along his spine.

In seconds Sam's phone rang, and he released Dean. Sam flashed him a genuine smile when Caleb's name blinked on the screen. Sam brought the phone to his ear. "Hey, man. We're okay."

Dean barely caught the sound of Damien's voice as Sam headed into the other room where Pamela's body was quickly cooling, leaving Dean alone in the tiny bathroom.

"_Dean?" _

Ethan's voice shook him from his thoughts, and Dean took a seat on the toilet. "We got him. Sam's talking to Caleb now."

"_That's good news, Dude. I hope my truck's alright." _

Dean leaned back on the porcelain tank; let his head rest against the wall. He understood why Caleb and Ethan got along. "I'm sure your _truck_ is fine. We'll take good care of it."

"_You make sure you do that." _

Dean tried not to let the tinge of irrational anger bubble through. After all, he'd encouraged the friendship between Damien and Ethan when he thought he would be long gone. "I happen to be an expert when it comes to the upkeep and maintenance of trucks."

There was a pause, and when Ethan spoke again all levity was gone.

"_No disrespect, but this wasn't cool. I get the whole need to know stuff, but whatever this was; it obviously was a need to know kind of thing." _

"It was a mistake. My mistake. That's all."

"_Mistakes get people hurt." _

Dean glanced towards the bathroom door, let his imagination travel past it to where Pamela sat slumped on the bed, bloodied and broken. "You got a point to make, make it."

"_I just don't want to see anyone else get hurt." _

"Sounds like we're on the same page."

"_Eli wants to talk to you about that." _

Dean lifted his head and let it thud against the wall again. "Great." The double mint twins were tag-teaming him. "Put the professor on."

"_Hey, Dean." _

"Eli."

"_I know you've got a lot going on at the moment, but I haven't talked to Sam in a while." _

Dean straightened. The nagging sensation tip-toed over his vertebrae once more as Elijah continued.

"_Used to be a time when he would call or email every couple of days." _

"He's been busy." Dean did not add how his brother had been busy with mysterious late night meetings. "We've all been busy."

_"We know about the seals breaking through The Brotherhood Memo." Eli cleared his throat. "Bobby also told Griffin about your angel. Mackland confirmed it." _

Dean rubbed his eyes. Castiel was not on his favorite person list today. "Okay." Dean didn't protest, and this encouraged Eli.

_"Griffin believes where there is good, there is evil."  
_  
"So you are all in Griffin's back pocket? Do I need to pay him a visit? Do I need to question your loyalty?" It was low and uncalled for. After all, Dean had begun the reconciliation between Griffin and The Brotherhood he would lead one day as The Guardian.

"_No, we all support you, Dean. I don't like secrets. I like open communication. Caleb and Ethan talk on a regular basis. Sam, I know is busy, but we used to talk. Then everything drops with Sam, and Silas starts talking about alarms sounding in the covens-"  
_  
Dean closed his eyes wondering how many others were making connections to Sam. "That's Josh's department. Have a chat with him."

_"Right. He says it's because of the seals, but I recognize lies of omissions. Ethan and I have suffered through our share of those."  
_  
"And you think I have all the answers?" Dean had some of them. He had Sam explain to Joshua that Ruby was back to own up to his actions. Dean had thought that seeing disappointment in someone else's eyes would have been enough to dissuade Sam from following Ruby.

_"You're The Guardian. If you don't, where does that leave us?"_

That was a very good question. One more unwanted doubt put on his plate. "I'm still figuring it all out." They deserved to know the truth, but Dean wasn't even sure what that was anymore. "When I get the punch line, you and E will be one of the firsts to know."

"_That's all we can ask." _

He heard rustling, then Ethan's voice came back on the line.

"_That and one more tiny thing. Take your time getting my truck back to me. I mean, I don't mind keeping the bat mobile for a few weeks or so." _

"I bet you don't." Dean rolled his eyes, realizing why he liked Ethan. "You know if Heidi comes back to Damien with as much as one bullet hole, Sonny Crockett, there's nothing the Guardian or the Godfather can do for you. Right?"

"_I'll treat her like she's my own half a million dollar fantasy car." _

"Won't all your cop buddies peg you as on the take?"

"_Let me handle my own business, Dude." _

"Right back at you, man."

_Ethan laughed. "Point taken." _

"Tell your brother Sam will be in touch."

"_I'll appreciate that. He's missed their stimulating geek discussions so much. He's been talking to me way more than I like." _

"Little brothers. Can't live with them, can't live with them," Dean concluded with agreement from Ethan. It didn't matter if a guy was four years older or four minutes older. He wondered if Caleb felt the same about him, especially after he had forgotten to warn him about their spirit walk.

RcJ*SnsnsnsnsN*RcJ

"Caleb? Are you there?" Sam walked out of the bathroom waiting for Caleb to answer him.

_"Sammy? Are you two all right? What the hell is going on?" _

Sam closed his eyes trying to calm his own emotions as Caleb's fear leapt across the line. "I'm okay."

"_Deuce?" _

"Dean's okay, too. He's on the phone with Ethan." Sam spared a glance towards the bathroom. His brother was still talking to Matthews.

"_Thank God. I thought…" _

"I know." Sam took a seat on Dean's bed, his eyes drawn to Pamela on the other bed. "But we're fine."

"_How's that possible? I mean you were gone. GONE,"Caleb's frustration was clear. _

"Astral projection." Sam sighed. He would never risk it again.

"_Astral projection? Soul walking?" _

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose as a steady pain picked up rhythm behind his eyes. He tried to explain. "Reapers were being killed and …"

"_Did Ruby help you do this? I will kill that bitch when I get my hands on her…" _

Caleb would never understand about Ruby, neither would Dean. He thought over time they would accept her, but it was getting worse. Suspicion clung to her, especially after his own recent dream sleep. "It wasn't Ruby." Sam looked over to his bed again. Ruby would have been able to defend herself, and kept his secret. "It was Pamela."

"_Bobby's Pamela? The medium?" _

"Yeah."

"_Did she tell you two how fucking dangerous that shit is?" _

Sam stood pulling the coverlet off Dean's bed. He tossed it over Pamela's body, closing her eyes would not bring comfort. "We know how dangerous it is."

"_Even with the progression of your abilities you shouldn't have…" _

"I didn't," Sam snapped, his irritation flaring. He didn't need anyone else judging him. "It wasn't my idea. Talk to Dean. He's the one that suggested the Casper impersonation. He's the one that was so quick to step through the veil."

"_And he didn't fucking think to call me first? To have someone to watch your backs? Someone besides a blind lady?" _

"There wasn't a lot of time. The demons were going to break the seal." Sam walked to the window, looked out. "Bobby figured it out and we had to act. She was closer and not on a hunt."

"_Bobby hasn't talked to either of you in days." _

Sam took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. For some reason he wasn't surprised. "Castiel."

"_I don't care if it was angels or demons who offered up the gig. I thought you both were dead. It was just like when Johnny and Pastor Jim died, like with Dean. I thought I'd get to fucking Greybull to find your bloodied corpses. Bobby can find someone else to read his aura because Pam and I are having a long fucking talk." _

Sam glanced to the psychic's shrouded body. "Pamela's dead."

"_Damn. Demons?" Caleb quieted. _

"Yeah." Sam lowered his voice as he explained the truth he would stick to, "she brought me back to my body, but I got here too late."

"_How the hell did they break the salt lines or the protection circle?" _

Sam was chagrinned. They hadn't exactly taken their usual precautions. It was evidence to how distracted he and Dean were as of late. That and the fact they didn't consider Caleb into their plans.

"_Dean didn't proof the room?" Caleb kept him from telling another lie. "Never mind. Don't tell me." _

"We saved the seal; at least I think we did." He still needed to talk to his brother. Tell him his version of what happened with Pamela. Hear Dean's version of what happened with Tessa.

"_That's something." _

"Are you all right?" Sam shifted the focus.

"_No." _

He almost wished for the anger he could easily detect earlier. This unfamiliar emotion was a hundred times harder. "I'm sorry."

Sam remembered all too well what Dean's death had felt like, the hole it left in his soul. The emptiness he was still trying to fill. "I should have thought to call, but astral projection isn't something that comes up every day."

"_Dean should have called me." _

Sam turned towards the bathroom where his brother had just exited. "Yeah." He cleared his throat. "You want to talk to him?"

"_No." _

The answer surprised Sam. Dean was already headed his way, hand outstretched for the phone. Sam waved him away. "Are you coming here?"

"_I'm going to get a drink." _

"Okay. We can meet you after…" Sam swallowed thickly as he thought of Pam. They would have to dispose of her body. "Well, you know."

"_No. Take care of Pamela." Sam nodded even though Caleb couldn't see him. "I'll call you back later, Runt." _

"Bye, Caleb." He was happy to hear the nickname after what Pamela had said to him. She didn't know Sam or understand what it was like to be tainted. Caleb made him feel as though he was still on the path of good intentions.

"Wait." Dean grabbed the phone bringing it to his ear. "Damien?" When there was no answer he tossed the cell back to Sam with a scowl. "What the hell did you tell him?"

"The truth. What do you think I told him?"

Dean propped his hands on his hips. "Do you even know what the truth is anymore, little brother?"

Sam stuck his chin out. "Do you?"

"What does that mean?"

"It means Bobby wasn't the one who called me about the job." Sam didn't believe his brother had known any differently at the time, but the look Dean gave him suggested he was well informed now.

"No." Dean met his gaze dead on. "It was Castiel."

"And when were you going to share that newsflash with me?" He felt his anger build. He seemed to have no patience with his brother as he once did. Dean accused him of having torn allegiances, but was fine with keeping his own secrets when it came to Castiel and Hell.

"Just as soon as you filled me in on those sweet nothings Pamela whispered in your ear."

Sam gave one more look to the psychic's covered corpse. "She said I had a nice ass." He picked up his coat from the table and started for the door.

Dean caught his arm. "Where the hell are you going?"

Sam looked down at his brother's hand gripping his sleeve. Dean let him go and stepped back. "To get a drink." There couldn't be that many bars in Greymoose. Sam knew Caleb well enough to know pissed or not after the scare he'd had the Knight would stay close. "Don't wait up."

RcJ

A/N: Thanks to Lee who reminded me about the salt circle. I agree with her if our boys were themselves, they would not have been in physical danger from demons.


	6. How Many Devils Can Dance

How Many Devils Can Dance…

By: Tidia & Ridley

Beta: Tidia

A/N: I know my last conversation piece had a few people worried. Please make sure to look at the point of view from which the particular part of the story is taking place. We don't use omniscient for a reason. We hope the reader connects with the character. Last week, Sam's point of view controlled the last part of the story, coloring what happened with his feelings. It makes a difference and can sometimes temper a judgment as to how a character is being treated. I only realized after several reviews that some were not clear on that.

On to the story at hand, Tidia and I worked on this one together, as we saw On the Head of a Pin as a pivotal episode and a very important part of the AU. I'm glad she came on board as her insight and excellent sentence structure made this my favorite Conversation so far. Please keep the comments coming as they really help give insight into what you're getting out of the stories and helps us know what and when to clarify.

Thank you to twotoe! There is a whole part of your comment that really helped with the story. And to Tara, as always.

RCJ

"_My fear was now of another kind. I felt sure that the creature was what we call 'good', but I wasn't sure whether I liked 'goodness' as much as I had supposed. This is a very terrible experience. As long as what you are afraid is something evil, you may still hope that the good may come to your rescue. But suppose you struggle through to the good and find that is also dreadful?"-C.S. Lewis_

"He didn't want to go."

Caleb lifted his gaze from his plate when Sam spoke. They were in the small cafeteria of the hospital, picking at the meals Mac had ordered them to eat. The younger man slammed his palm on the table as if Caleb wasn't paying attention or replying quickly enough. It garnered looks from the few late night patrons.

"Uriel didn't give him a choice," Sam continued as he leaned across the granite top. "And Castiel didn't raise a fucking wing to help. What kind of angel does that?"

He pushed his cardboard burger and limp fries away, trying to gather his thoughts. Since Sam called him with the news of Dean's divine kidnapping, he had been unable to wrap his mind around much. Were angels dangerous allies or on the side of good? He knew one thing for certain; staying with Bobby after Pamela's funeral was a mistake. "The kind we have an issue with."

Sam looked at him, his eyes shining with an emotion Caleb couldn't quite read. The kid seemed to be riding the adrenaline kick of a gig, but he'd never seen Sam so jazzed. "I asked him to help Dean. Did I tell you that? Practically begged the bastard."

Caleb nodded. He arrived just after Castiel pulled his vanishing routine, and Sam was so worked up that if he hadn't been able to sense Dean, Caleb would have assumed the worst. Sam hadn't mellowed, even after Mac arrived to take over Dean's care.

"It's more proof that they are just as screwed up as everyone else. They have no right to judge us." Sam strummed his fingers on the table. "If a garrison of angels can't take care of one upper-level demon, then we have to do what it takes to protect our own."

Caleb's stomach knotted at the mention of Alistair. Seeing Dean lying helpless in the hospital bed, hooked to numerous machines and a ventilator brought back too many memories from the mess with The Yellow-Eyed Demon. Mac's assurances of Dean's recovery held little solace. Caleb wouldn't feel better until he talked to his friend.

"I'm glad I killed the son of a bitch." Sam smiled, but it held no warmth. "I only wish he had known something so I could have prolonged the torture."

"You got Dean out of there. That's the most important thing." Caleb mashed the hamburger, watched with some strange fascination as the ketchup oozed out.

"He thought I was going to send him back to Hell." Sam snorted. "He underestimated me. That was a mistake."

Caleb felt the vibrations of Sam tapping his foot against the floor. The kid was far too keyed up. "Your abilities have gotten stronger, young Jedi. You're quickly surpassing your teacher." Caleb played his role, but did it without his usual relish of Star Wars quips.

Sam flexed his fist. His silver hunter's ring flashed as he looked at Caleb. "Ruby said I still have room for improvement."

Caleb rubbed his eyes. Ruby finding Dean complicated a situation already teaming with twists, turns, and potholes galore. She had saved Deuce. Caleb couldn't help to feel indebted; though he was sure her motives to do so were wrapped around her plans to stay in Sam's good graces. "She must have one hell of an accelerated tutoring program. Sylvan Learning For Psychics?"

Sam dipped a French fry in the little container of ketchup with gusto so that the small piece was covered red, dripping on his fingers. "She'd be willing to do the same for you. She thinks you have the same potential-the same blood."

Caleb straightened, laying his palms on the cool surface of the table for a jolt of awareness to clear his thoughts. "Come again?"

"What if I told you there was a way you could increase your abilities, become stronger than you ever imagined?" Sam ate the fry, then licked his fingers.

"I tried that once with the amulet." Caleb studied Sam carefully, remembering the talisman's effects. "It gave me a thrill ride alright, but the costs outweighed the benefits. You helped me realize that." The power had been intoxicating; the repercussions of his actions far outweighed the rush.

"Maybe I was wrong." Sam picked up another fry, but only gave it one bite before putting it back in the tray with his half finished chicken sandwich.

"No. I'm pretty sure you were the good old voice of reason. If I kept using it, I don't think I would have been able to stop, and let's not forget that we still don't know what I released from the pit when we went after Rose." It added to the guilt he felt about the things he did when he knew they were wrong, going against everything those he cared for most held true.

"What you did while using the amulet is a possibility with Ruby's help. It would be all you this time-your gift. Together we could overcome any demon. Destroy Lillith. Maybe even Lucifer."

"Whoa there, who's having delusions of grandeur?" He referred to the tried and true Star Wars reference, opting for some normalcy with Sam when the conversation seemed to be veering into the unfamiliar.

"The angels think Dean is the key to stopping Armageddon, but they're wrong. Their secret plans for him are going to get him killed. What happened with Alistair is just the beginning. He's not strong enough."

Caleb leaned across the table closer to Sam, since his other choice was to stand and pull the youngest Winchester out of his seat. "That's not true."

"Come on, man. Don't tell me you haven't noticed." Sam gave Caleb a humoring pause. "Dean's different since returning from Hell."

"I know he doubts himself more." All those tiny fissures John created in Dean's spirit as his son grew up, Hell's fire split wide open. "Which is why we need to believe in him even more than before."

"That doesn't work with Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, and it isn't going to work here. Dean's weak, and unless we realize, accept he didn't come back the same person we knew before, then he could be a liability in battle."

"Don't talk about him like that." Now Caleb was the one drawing attention. He took a deep breath, lowering his voice. "Where the hell is this coming from, Sammy? You're starting to freak me out here." Maybe the stress of Pam's death, and now Dean's injuries were taking their toll. Another twinge of guilt had Caleb wishing he had been more vigilant in shouldering his share of the growing angel and demon debacle.

Sam held his gaze. "What if Dad, Mac and Jim didn't put us in The Triad to protect us so much as to prevent us from becoming as powerful as we could be, to keep us from a different kind of destiny?"

Caleb blinked, realizing they were in completely uncharted territory. He was confused or Sam was confused. "I don't understand. You're talking about our family. You really believe they had a malicious purpose?"

"You've had to question it yourself. Two demon tainted people happen to be two thirds of The Triad by coincidence?" Sam's foot tapping seemed to take on a different tempo. "Then the one person who is supposed to keep us on the straight and narrow ends up being the weakest link."

"This sounds like Ruby talking. Deuce may not be on the top of his game right now, but who would after going through Hell. He made it back, he's strong, and Jim knew Dean was the best choice as a Guardian. _You_ know that." Caleb didn't want to continue this conversation. He wanted Sam to say Caleb was right.

Sam ignored the accusation about Ruby. "What I'm saying is that we can be more than what Jim hoped for. Better." The younger hunter looked down at his hands and then back up to Caleb. "I know you don't trust Ruby, but she wants to advance our side. She knows things, can show us things, and really help."

"Help me and you how?"

"Like how to kill demons." Sam laughed. "I saved Dean's life. You know how he's always ending up in danger, and now I can do something about it. I helped him, and I've helped save others all because of Ruby."

Rescue or no rescue, Caleb saw Ruby for what she was- a demon. The only misunderstanding may have been in underestimating the bitch. "So you want me to sign on with Team Ruby?"

"I want you to be open to the possibility. After what the angels did to Dean…"

"And what about Deuce? What about The Triad? The Brotherhood would never go for me and you having such strong psychic abilities." They had already fought their battle to be recognized as the next Triad with Griffin. All their hard won legitimacy would be lost if Caleb considered utilizing what Ruby was offering. They would be hunted. "Do you understand what you're saying?"

Sam closed his eyes. "Maybe I'm not saying this right. There aren't two sides, good versus evil. There's a lot of gray. Griffin and the others would understand. Look at the lengths he was willing to go to when he believed he was doing what was necessary. Caleb, _the angels_ had Dean torture someone, knowing what it would do to him. If I hadn't gotten there…"

"For fuck's sake Sam, you're asking me to pull a goddamn Fredo here. And we all know what happened to Fredo. He was sent out on a boat on the orders of his brother to be killed because he betrayed the family." The Brotherhood would never go for a Scholar and Knight trained by a demon. They would never respect a Guardian who had no control over The Scholar and Knight either.

"Dean isn't the Godfather."

"No. He's the Guardian. More importantly he's your brother. He's my best friend."

"That doesn't mean he's always right, like with the astral projections. We talked about it at the bar after Pamela died. I love my brother, but I know he thinks I'm a freak. You too."

Caleb had needed time to sort through his emotions, find some clarity before facing the Winchesters. It bothered him that Dean hadn't called when he knew better than anyone how Caleb had felt after Jim's and John's death. He wouldn't defend Dean's mistake, but he would defend himself. "I've never denied where I come from."

"Right." Even in the wake of Dean's death, Caleb had shielded Sam. But he was beginning to understand that the lifelong habit of shielding Sam might not have been the best plan. Sam seemed to morph before him, his face holding little likeness to that of the boy Caleb had known for the last twenty-six years. "Because you've been open and honest about your demon side, Dean forgives you."

"I've asked for his forgiveness once. I don't plan on putting myself in a situation where I'll have to do it again. Have you?" Caleb softened, wondering if Sam had done something he was not proud of to help his brother**. **They had both been guilty of it before, blinded by grief after Dean died, both of them spiraling to places where it was hard for any light to reach. Maybe Sam was still fighting to climb out of that darkness. "No matter what you do Dean will forgive you. You want to talk about it? Is this where all this is coming from? Why you're off?"

"There's nothing wrong with me." Sam shook his head vehemently. "I'm just trying to do what's right."

Caleb held Sam's gaze, unsure of what to say in the face of the other man's certainty. A familiar sensation skipped across his mind, saving him from further argument. He glanced to the exit. "Dean's awake."

"Thank God."

Caleb looked at Sam, relieved to find a genuine smile on his face again. "Yeah. Thank God."

RcJ*SnsnsnsnsN*RcJ

Mackland met them coming out of the cafeteria. Dr. Patel, Dean's attending, was with him. They had test results and good news. Dean was off the ventilator, his respiration no longer compromised, and the preliminaries predicted a full recovery. At Mac's insistence Sam stayed for the long physician spiel. Caleb gladly accepted the job of keeping Deuce company during the family consult. Sometimes being the best friend paid off.

"You're definitely looking better without the gaudy tubing accessories." Caleb walked into the room, unable to keep the goofy grin from his face. "Plastic and medical tape is not your thing, Deuce."

"Damien."

Dean's hoarse, breathy voice was no surprise considering the trauma to his larynx, but the raw emotion on his face, the trace of tears on his lashes, had Caleb's protective instincts flaring. He quickened his step to his best friend's side. "What's wrong? Do you need a nurse?" Caleb reached for the call button, letting his finger hover over the help sign. "Mac's just downstairs…"

"No." Dean closed his eyes.

Caleb let his hand drop to his side, carefully taking a seat on the side of Dean's bed. "What's wrong?"

"Cas was here."

Caleb placed a hand on Dean's arm, looking around the room to search for evidence of an otherworldly visitor. "When?" He waited for Dean to look at him. "What the hell did he say to you?"

"Uriel is dead." Dean licked his lips, wincing as he swallowed. "He betrayed them, was killing angels."

He rubbed a hand over his face. He had read the Bible, more than once now. He knew how Michael and the angels fought the fallen angels and forced Lucifer to Hell. Caleb was disturbed there were still bad angels. "Sam told me about the ganked cherubs when he called."

Dean frowned. "Sam?"

Caleb remembered a time when that would have been the first question out of Deuce's mouth. It was hard accepting the current weirdness of the Winchesters. The boys' relationship had always been a constant for Caleb, like the North Star. "He's downstairs with Mac. He's fine." Caleb tilted his head. "Worried about you is all."

"He should be."

"What's that mean, man?" Caleb adjusted the canula with one hand; it was riding higher on one side of Dean's face.

"It means I did this…I started it all." Dean's voice was a raspy whisper.

Caleb tightened his grip on the younger man, feeling the ripples of pain that had nothing to do with the beating Alistair delivered. "Maybe we should talk about this later. You need to rest."

"Alistair told me I broke the first seal. Cas confirmed it. This is all happening because I broke."

The words registered in Caleb's mind, he was shocked, but had to have a quick answer. A pause would be detrimental to his friend. "Damn it, Deuce. How many times do I have to say it? It was Hell. Anyone would have broken."

Dean tried to nod, winced, and instead closed his eyes. "Dad didn't."

"What?" He didn't want Dean to talk anymore because of his throat, but also because of the emotional pain zinging through their connection. It was overwhelming.

"Alistair tortured Dad for a hundred years. He held out, didn't break the seal. They broke me, the so-called righteous man." Dean blinked, another tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm weak like Sam said."

Caleb tried to assimilate all the information. The idea of John suffering in Hell had tormented Caleb for months. To have the depth of his fears confirmed nearly had the half of the burger he'd managed to force down reappearing. The ramifications for Dean were a hundred times worse. "Deuce, demons lie."

"Not this time." He looked at Caleb, his breath heard over his bruised vocal cords. "I'm fucked up, Caleb. I'm not who you think I am."

"I know who you are. Who you've always been." Before Dean could utter the word pathetic that was in his mind, Caleb overruled him. "Strong."

"Cas says I have to end it, take on Lucifer. I can't do that."

Caleb thought back the conversation with Sam in the cafeteria, the kind of power the kid was promising. His conviction wavered. "You're not alone. You have me and Sammy backing you up."

"I don't think it works that way."

"Look, Deuce, I wish it were Johnny who broke the seal, I really do, but as much as he was a good man, he didn't always do things for the right reasons." Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Caleb raised his hand. "He jumped into this life to avenge your mom, it drove him. He did save people, but you've always done this gig to help people. That's a righteous man. That's something to be proud of."

"Proud," Dean's voice try to take on a higher quality of disbelief, but it was lacking. His voice cracked instead.

"Yeah, proud, because maybe it was meant to be you because you're The Guardian." Caleb recalled when Dean received his ring. The younger hunter had not told Caleb he was injured so Caleb could finish the job, and prevent others from being hurt. He remembered he told Jim that Dean had the heart of a Guardian, and as much as Caleb loved John, that was where his mentor and Deuce differed.

Dean let out small laugh, then winced. "Of course. That's it."

Caleb was grasping at straws. He could feel his grip on his friend slipping. He tightened his fingers around Dean's wrist, even though what he was in jeopardy of losing was intangible. "Think about it. You're in a better position than John could ever have been in. We know more than John, Mac and Jim ever knew."

Dean's lips thinned. "The mysterious Triad power."

"Exactly." Plus as Sam had pointed out - The Scholar and The Knight were working with demon tainted abilities. Jim always said his abilities, and the ones Sam exhibited at young age, were a blessing.

"We don't even know if we can use the power as a weapon."

"It's the best kind- a secret weapon." Caleb was buoying himself. "I'll find it. As soon as you're on your feet I'll make it The Knight's priority mission."

"What if you don't? What if I'm the reason the world's destroyed?"

The doubt easily crept in, it was hard to combat. It was a battle that needed to be won. "You have the resources to finish what you started. You're not a quitter. You're not a lot of things you think you are."

"I'm so fucking tired." Dean closed his eyes.

Caleb moved his hand to rest on his best friend's forehead. "Get some rest, Kiddo."

Dean nodded, but when Caleb started to walk away, the younger man called out to him in a barely there rasp. "Damien?"

"Yeah?"

Dean struggled to open his eyes, making it only to slight slits. "I'm sorry about the astral projecting."

Caleb gave a watery laugh. "This dying, fake dying, and nearly dying thing you got going on is really starting to get old. You need to find some other way to keep your right hand man on his toes. And I'm sorry, too. I was being pissy, but I blame job stress."

Dean gave him a halfhearted smile that Caleb took as a sign that all hope wasn't lost. "I'll put in for a bonus for my Luca Brazi."

Caleb winced at the reference to the Godfather's enforcer. The enforcer's job description was much like The Knight's. "My loyalty doesn't come with a price, dude."

"I never thought it did." Dean's voice was practically nonexistent.

"Don't make me lie to your brother and Mac." Caleb pointed at him as he walked backwards towards the door. "Sleep. Now."

RcJ*SnsnsnsnsN*RcJ

Once outside, Caleb leaned against the wall closing his eyes. He was weak kneed, reeling from the emotions, Sam's earlier energy, Dean's misery and his own helplessness. The proof of his poor state was when Mac's touch startled him.

"Son?"

Caleb straightened, quickly palming his eyes. "Yeah." He cleared his throat. "I didn't hear you guys."

"Is Dean all right?" Sam was staring at him with concern.

Caleb forced a grin. "Better than before Mac ran us off."

Mac folded his arms over his chest; Caleb recognized his father's scrutiny. "In my medical opinion you and Sam needed a break."

"You wanted us out of your hair." His father wanted to focus on his patient, not Sam and Caleb's worrying.

"I'm going to check on him," Sam stated.

Caleb stepped in front of the door leading to Dean's room. The fierce desire to protect his friend reignited to counter Sam. "No." He tried to shake free of the feeling he didn't quite understand, running a hand over his mouth. "Deuce is asleep and you look like shit. Why don't you go back to the motel, grab some much needed Z's yourself?"

Sam hesitated, looking from Caleb to the door. "You talked to him?"

"He's a little strung out from the pain meds, but he's okay," Caleb confirmed.

"Rest is the best thing for him," Mac interjected. "For _both_ of you."

Caleb snorted. He wasn't going to leave just yet, no matter what his father's wishes were. "I didn't go a few rounds with Alistair, Runt. You need a nap."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm not five anymore."

"Go on, Sam. I'll send Caleb as soon as I catch him up on what Dr. Patel and I discussed with you." Mac placed a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam nodded. "Okay."

Mac waited until Sam was down the hall before he turned his knowing gaze on Caleb. "Son?"

Caleb resumed leaning against the wall, hitting his head with a tap against it. His father knew he was hiding something. "What if Deuce is collateral damage of this war?"

Mac sighed. "What did he tell you?"

Caleb felt an irrational anger building "The angels should fix this."

His father pulled his arm, gesturing with his neck to back away from the opening to Dean's room. "It isn't their job, Son. Their job description doesn't include healing."

He knew his father had become an expert on angels once Dean had said they had pulled him from Hell. Caleb had sought out information too, Mac had misunderstood. "That's not what I mean. Castiel told him that he broke the first seal, then said he'd be the one to stop the apocalypse from happening."

Mac shook his head. "I had a feeling that was the case, about the first seal. I wish I was wrong."

"I never thought. . ." Caleb hadn't made an attempt to guess why the seals had started to break. His stomach clenched at the thought his father had made some sort of connection. He dismissed the feeling of insecurity when he thought about his father not sharing the theory with him. Caleb returned his focus on his current point of contention. "Angels are supposed to provide strength and encouragement, not fuck around with people." His father didn't like the crass language, but the word fit. Dean felt beholden to Castiel, trusted him and Caleb wanted to believe that it was justified.

"Maybe they trust you and Sam to do what is best to get Dean through this."

He didn't know if he had convinced Dean of his value, a value that would stop the apocalypse. He didn't know if he wanted to send his best friend into such a battle, which may require yet another steep sacrifice. "It's like my best isn't good enough. I don't even know where to start."

Mac pulled the stethoscope from around his neck, and held it in his hand. The hospital had given a white coat as soon as he had introduced himself. "Jim used to say, 'where God guides, God provides.'"

Caleb rubbed his chin, the grittiness of growing whiskers. He missed Jim. "When did he say that?"

"All the time in his sermons." Mac's eyebrows rose. "He would even give Biblical examples."

"I thought that was to get more money in the collection plate?" Caleb joked, but he understood the meaning. The signs were all there— Mac getting his abilities through a horrific car accident, him losing his parents, Sam, Dean and John's loss. Caleb couldn't blame God for any of them because in the end it became a binding force to guide them to The Brotherhood and to each other. Jim knew, tried to tell them all so many times. "What's going to happen to The Brotherhood? Do you have any other theories you want to share?"

Mac glanced down the hallway, making sure they still had privacy. No one was bothering them, or needed access to Dean's room. "I am still The Scholar, Caleb. I have to think about all the possible avenues."

Caleb quelled. He had lashed out at his father because he knew there were no repercussions, unlike most things in life. "Sorry, I know you are not having an easy time of it either."

"You want to sit with him a bit longer?" Mac asked, showing Caleb he was already forgiven.

"I want to get him out of here. Sammy, too." The weariness was taking its toll. He couldn't work up any real anger. "Go some place where none of this matters anymore. Somewhere they'll be safe." Caleb didn't know what safe was anymore. He had always believed the checks and balances were being weighed, the good guys being watched over and protected, no matter the forfeited battles and occasional losses. Sam was right about one thing. The grey was bleeding into their small world, blurring the lines for everyone.

Mac put a hand on the back of his neck, giving it a warm squeeze. "You do not know how many times I wanted to do that exact same thing."

Caleb snorted. "That your way of telling me running away doesn't help, Dad?"

"That's my way of saying I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect what is mine. I know Bobby feels the same."

Caleb smiled. "One for all and all for one."

Mac laughed. Caleb took it as a sign that there were some things that never changed. "I think Pastor Jim couldn't have said it better."

Caleb licked his lips, glancing towards Dean's door. "I will sit with Deuce a while longer."

Mac nodded. "I think that sounds like a very good start."

The end


	7. The Best Parts

The Best Parts

Beta: Tidia

A/N: Well, because even though I loved the episode, the great Carver Edlund didn't have the entire story. ;-) Since the writers of Supernatural made fun of themselves, I decided to do a little of the same. grin. And the timing was perfect for a little road trip I had been planning for the boys. My very close sources tell me that today's opening game in Boston may be rained out, but in my world, or fic world, it's a sunny sixty for Dean and the Sox's sake anyway. Thanks to Tidia for working on this during the weekend and for Tara who gave me the thumbs up after her read through.

RCJ

_Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them._

_~Nathaniel Hawthorne_

"I can't believe I'm not in here."

Dean looked up from his notes. He pulled his baseball hat lower to shade his eyes. Despite having skimmed the entire collection on their drive to Boston, Damien still had his nose in one of the Supernatural books. He sounded just as indignant as he had after the first read through. "Dude, you're in there."

"Like for one paragraph." Caleb turned the book so Dean could see, jabbing his finger to the dog-eared edge of the paper. "And it's not even accurate. _I_ didn't die."

"I think the point is that we thought you did." He and Caleb had snagged a table by the window at Boston Beer Works. He could see The Green Monster across the street. It was warm for April, cloudless blue sky and in the sixties. Dean focused on the feel of the sun on his shoulders to keep his mind from traveling to the unpleasant recent events. "Chuck just didn't elaborate on the punch line."

"Elaborate my ass." Caleb returned to his reading. "He forgot about me all together. It's like I haven't been around when any of this shit took place. Even that skank, Bella has chapters. _Chapters_, Deuce. How is it possible to tell the Winchester saga without me?"

"It's a mystery." Sam had theories. One being that the books focused on their family's linear involvement with the Yellow-Eyed Demon to the exclusion of everything else in their lives. The other was that Chuck was a purist at heart and just didn't like messing with the brother dynamic.

"It's like the Stephen King version of your life. Edlund left out all the good stuff, the things that really make you and Sammy who you are."

Dean tapped his paper attempting, not for the first time, to change the subject. He didn't want to spend any more of their weekend road trip thinking about the past hunt. He'd been looking forward to this for months. They rarely had down time, something Dean vowed to change after returning from Hell. He wasn't about to waste it. "What do you think of Albert Pujols?"

"Who?" Caleb scanned the page of the book again. "Is he in here, too?"

"Dude." Dean sighed. His best friend was being uncooperative. He reached across the table and smacked Caleb on the side of the head. "Focus. Pujols. First baseman. St. Louis Cardinals."

Caleb glared at him, but made the effort to at least look at some of Dean's scribbling. "Sounds good." He put down 'Devil's Trap' and picked up one of the later Supernatural books. "You're the manager - it's your call."

"I told you if you were going to be my assistant you had to keep your head in the game. The season's basically won or lost in the draft."

"So you explained on the drive here."

It was muttered distractedly and Dean looked around for their waitress. The pungent smell of hops had him wanting another beer. He hoped the giant nachos they ordered would offer Caleb a distraction. He kicked his friend under the table. "Hey. First base is probably the second deepest position we have to cover. I mean generally you'd have to sacrifice batting average, but with Pujols that's not the case. He's a first baseman after my own heart." Dean pulled the book down from in front of Damien's face. "There's always Ryan Howard, but I bet that bastard Ethan will be all over him."

"E's not here. Eli either." Caleb's frown stayed in place, his mind obviously a million miles from their first string picks. "There's no mention of The Brotherhood in any of these fucking books, no explanation of your ring. No Mac, no farm, not one dog. Pastor Jim only shows up for his death scene and Josh gets a tiny shout out during Faith for saving your neck. It's wrong, Duece. Wrong."

Dean snorted. "So you explained on the drive here." Dean felt exposed enough as it was. He didn't mind that good old Chuck's tales didn't intersect with The Brotherhood. It kept it sacred, private and safe. Caleb didn't see it that way.

"Like I told you before, Chuck's going on prophetic dreams. You, better than anyone, know what visions are like. It's the abridged version, Damien."

"Still…"

Dean propped his elbows on the table determined not to let his good mood be ruined. The trip to the Sox opening game of the season against Tampa Bay was supposed to be a diversion, a weekend escape from the Apocalypse. Tomorrow's game, besides being a high in and of itself, was also giving Dean a chance to scout for the upcoming draft. They were meeting up with Ethan, Riley and Bradley afterwards at The House of Blues. Alison was going to call in her dream roster. There might even be time to catch the Tuesday game before heading back to New York. "I could always ring the guy up. Maybe ask if he can do an online AU, make you an OC."

"A what?"

"Alternate Universe. Original Character." Dean worked hard to keep a straight face. "Concept is the same, but the author tosses in some other people to play off the stars of the show."

"Are you serious?"

"Hell yeah." Sometimes Damien was too easy. "You should see some of the shit they do on the internet. People take it serious, get cut throat even."

Caleb smirked. "Sort of like Fantasy Baseball?"

"Don't disrespect the sport, Dude." If someone had told Dean a year ago he would be obsessed with a virtual game that really had more to do with math than it did actual baseball, he would have punched them. It had been Mac's idea, a way for Dean to focus his energy to escape the scars Hell left without lying on Freud's couch. When Dean started receiving e-mail alerts updating player injuries, Sam said Mac had created a monster. The doctor was a genius.

"In my mind, _this _crap is the AU." Caleb tossed Carver Edlund's masterpiece on the table between them. "I don't want to be an OC or whatever you call it. Good old Cas might as well have been cast in my role of best friend."

"Don't get crazy, Damien. We all know you're no angel."

"According to Chuck I'm worm food. Prophet or not, there are some huge missing scenes in this masterpiece." Caleb shoved the books away, picking up his pilsner. "Screw him."

"Are you sure?" Dean grinned. "I might talk him into giving Josh his own chronicles."

"Josh? If anyone deserves to add his two cents it's me." Caleb put his beer down, bringing a finger to his chest. "I've been in Winchester servitude for decades. When I think about all the shit I've been through with you two and not even a mention…"

"Okay, how about we set you up with a series? 'Chatting with Caleb'?" Dean was laughing now. "Rap-time with Reava? Dishing with Damien?"

"Shut up." Caleb growled, flipping him the bird. "You and your brother Fabio suck."

The mention of Sam had Dean's humor fading, recalling the one thing he had avoided talking about yesterday during their drive up. Last night the Black Thorn Bar had provided plenty of distraction from talk of business. Dean wished he could shove the thought to the back of his mind where he'd left it since leaving Sam with Mac in Manhattan the day before.

Their server gave him another slight reprieve as she dropped off the nachos plus a second round of drinks. She promised the fish and chips were on the way before picking up the table across from them. Dean leaned forward, unable to wrestle the pink elephant back into its box. "So, speaking of our usual conversations, are you sure there wasn't anything my best friend meant to tell me a couple of weeks back?"

Caleb picked up a golden chip laden with jalapeños and dripping with queso. He glanced at Dean with eyes slightly narrowed in a telltale move that let Dean know he was being read. "What exactly is that arched eyebrow of yours supposed to have me confessing, Deuce?"

"As if you didn't know." Dean pulled the salsa closer to him, sliding the guacamole over to Caleb. He casually dunked a chip. "Sammy's big showdown with Alistair ring a bell?"

Caleb took his time chewing. "Didn't think it was my story to tell." He wiped his hands on his jeans taking the guacamole. He pushed the sour cream towards Dean. "I figured the runt would get around to telling you in his own time."

"Because Sammy is so open and forthright these days." The change in subject did what Caleb's preoccupation with Chuck Shirley's books had not. Dean felt some of the lightness since being on the road slip away from him. The shadows of doubt crept back into place. "Cas filled me in on the details." It was all the secrets that bothered Dean the most from his father, Mac, Jim, and now Sammy. Too many unknowns had come back to bite them in the ass. Caleb should have understood that.

"Sorry." Caleb swallowed, took a long drink. "I know it's not good when you don't know what the hell is going on with him."

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Know what the hell is going on with him?"

"I know he's getting stronger." Caleb took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Offing a demon of Alistair's rank has to take some major psychic skill and he can block me now. That's not novice ability either."

"But he's not strong enough to take out Lilith." Dean had explained about the surprise ending to the latest chapter in the saga that was their lives.

"Yet," Caleb said.

Dean was thinking the same thing. There was no doubt in his mind that Sam was planning to go farther with his abilities. His brother's vow to destroy Lilith was a serious one. It left Dean with little hope of discouraging the inevitable. Skipping the baseball road trip to hang out and work on Scholarly stuff with Mac was a roundabout way for Sam to say he'd be pulling nightly study sessions with Ruby. Mac wasn't wise to the freaky tutor/student affair. It would be easy for Sam to enjoy some of the Manhattan nightlife without the doctor being any the wiser. "Just a few months ago he still had his psychic training wheels on having a hard time reading people. Does that make any fucking sense to you?"

"Not really." Damien used a nacho to shovel a pile of black beans over to Dean's side of the plate. "Projecting, telekinesis, whatever the hell he's using is beyond me, man."

"Was it beyond what you could do with Noah Seaver's amulet?" Dean wasn't trying to be an ass. The question was a legitimate one.

Caleb dropped the chip, leaning back in his seat with a kicked puppy look. "I told you we destroyed that necklace. There's no way Sammy could…"

Dean cut him off. "I'm not saying Sam has the pendant."

"Then what are you saying? That I'm holding something back?"

Dean licked his lips, wishing he hadn't even broached the subject. "That maybe Ruby has something similar."

Caleb seemed to shrug off the slight. "It's possible. Sam gave Ruby credit for the leap in the learning curve, rolling with the old story that she wants to help us. He went so far as to ask if I wanted to sign on for her advanced training."

"Are you kidding me?"

Caleb propped his elbows on the table. "Maybe I should have taken him up on it, gotten the inside scoop from Ruby herself."

"No." Dean's stomach twisted, the effect having nothing to do with the spicy food. "Stay away from her, Dude."

Caleb shrugged. "It could be that she's able to teach him things that I'm not privy to. I mean, I got my instruction mainly from Mac and Missouri and…"

"They weren't demons."

"Right." Caleb held his gaze. "I don't know what Ruby could show me, but I know when I was using that amulet…Man, it was like stepping up my game to a level I didn't even know I was capable of."

"Not knowing what Sam is capable of is what scares the shit out of me."

"Maybe all we can do is trust him to do the right thing. Maybe he'll open up to Dad this weekend."

Dean shook his head. "Not now. Not the way he's been acting. It's like she's put some sort of spell on him, gotten under his skin so he values her because she has been redeeming herself to him."

"Josh isn't buying the reformed act. I'm not either."

"Then we're on the same page." Dean smirked, scooping up the black beans that Caleb had banished to his side of the plate. "Now about the draft…"

"For the love of money." Caleb pointed at him. "And don't think I don't realize that is why you asked me to be in on your little fantasy team, tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to make sure I get the first picks for pitcher, short stop and catcher."

"You realize Ethan plans on taking the pennant and the pot. He wants to not only win, but shame The Godfather."

Dean grinned, rubbing his hands together. They would all offer up a couple of C-notes to be in the league. Whoever had the most points at the end of the season got to keep the windfall. Ethan had been bragging for weeks, texting Dean smack as soon as the spring training stats started rolling in. "I think you can keep that from happening."

"So you're calling in Luca Brasi on this one?" Caleb took another gulp of beer. "You know the Corleone saga wouldn't have been the same without all the 'minor' characters. Right?"

Dean refused to be drawn back into talk of the books or work. "I think you can do him a favor and get me what I want without putting his horse to bed with him."

"Damn, Deuce it would be easier if I bought you your own fucking real team. I can't afford a piece of the Sox action, but we could look at smaller organizations. Cullen's always wanted to own a team."

Dean laughed, appreciating the lengths his friend would go for him. "Ethan has it bad for Heidi."

Caleb set his drink down. "Not my car. He got her involved in some kind of drug raid last time. I'm not going to tell you what I found under the front seat, but it could have got me ten to fifteen in the joint."

"Just a few weeks. You'll never miss her." Caleb had no interest in baseball. He was completely vested in Dean's 'recovery process' as Mac called it. It was underhanded; however Dean was using his power for good. "It'll give you a chance to blow the dust off Dad's truck."

Caleb reclaimed the nachos, pulling them to his side of the table. "You'll still have Bradley and Riley to contend with."

"Are you kidding me? They haven't gotten their rings yet."

"There's Eli. Don't discount the mathlete in a game of numbers."

"Eli might know the stats, but he's got that goody-goody disposition that just cries underdog. He'll fall for the rookie hopefuls, the sleepers. I spent years in the dugout. I'm jaded in all the right ways."

"Alison won't fall for that shit."

Mac's militant researcher was the wild card. "I tried to get Josh to shake her down for me. He's still pissed about the dog. But Carolyn is willing to go the extra mile."

"You're obsessed, Dude. You have no right talking about the fans of Supernatural."

Dean rolled his eyes at Caleb's one-track mind. "Get Melissa Stark and Erin Andrews to cover our draft in person and I'll make sure you have your own fan gathering, Damien. Maybe even a RPG." In Dean's opinion the hot female sports reporters needed to cover more baseball. They could put the 'F' in his fantasy league anytime. "Flash some cash. Work your title as Manhattan's most eligible bachelor."

"The Mansion wasn't enough? Heff's twins ringing a bell for you?" Caleb pointed a chip at Dean. "You professed your undying gratitude to me. You said you would owe me forever. How soon they forget…"

Dean laughed. "You're right. I am pushing my luck."

"You are." Caleb sighed. "But we both know I'm going to do it."

"Really?" Dean perked up. "Erin and Melissa?"

"Screw over Ethan all in the name of brotherhood."

Caleb's concession heralded the arrival of their lunch. The promise of deep fried perfection and the prospect of another round of beer putting an end to Dean's scheming. Damien beat him to the ketchup so Dean grabbed the tartar sauce.

"I was thinking after we were done here, we'd swing by Fenway," Caleb said. "We have to pick up the tickets Cullen scored us and I hear they do those cheesy tours of the ballpark like every hour on the hour." He glanced at Dean. "Sounds like something a lame-ass fanatic of the Red Sox Nation might enjoy."

"Dude?" Dean mumbled around a mouth of hush puppy. "You serious?"

"Why not?" Caleb shrugged. "We have time to kill."

"That would be…" Dean caught himself before he said awesome. He swallowed, cleared his throat. "Good."

Caleb uncapped the ketchup with a knowing grin. "Good."

Dean watched his best friend drown his food in the red condiment, realizing that maybe Damien had a point about the books. "Damien, about Carver Edlund?"

Caleb placed the ketchup back on the table between them. "Yeah?"

"You were right." Dean slid the tartar sauce into Damien's reach. "He really did leave out some of the best parts."

RCJ

A/N: If anyone is interested I am one of the author's being auctioned off in the multi-fandom fundraiser for Stacie Holeman's cancer treatment. All the proceeds are for an excellent cause and I think the story auction may go through today. So if you've ever wanted a certain Brotherhood story written...


	8. Between Brothers

Between Brothers

By: Tidia and Ridley

Conversations 7

A/N: Our little take on how this latest episode went down in Brotherhood AU. We wrote it during chat last night after the episode although we had a good idea of where to go, because we read all spoilers so we can plot…I mean plan ahead. Tidia and I are still working on the season finale. It's drafted we're just waiting on Kripke to see if he has gotten our memo and is willing to work with us. Ti has another Joshua Chronicle in the works, and I have a new project called 'Future Conversations' that will be posted only at The Hunter's Tomb, probably sometime next week as well as a non-Brotherhood, Wee-chester auction story coming up. Enjoy. We love to hear what you think. Slight spoilers for Jump the Shark.

**RCJ**

"_**There's no other love like the love for a brother. There's no other love like the love from a brother."-**_

_**Astrid Alauda**_

Dean strode past Naomi's desk, offering Mackland's assistant a brief wave, a half smile, but not stopping to give her the chance to announce his arrival. Surprises were the theme as of late. He took some perverse pleasure in withholding a heads-up to The Scholar.

Dean rapped on the door and entered. Mac was on the phone, files and books spread across his desk. He glanced over the rim of the reading glasses perched precariously on his face obviously expecting Naomi. The slight look of irritation at the unexpected disturbance was quickly replaced with one of panic that leached the color from Mac's face. Dean felt slightly remorseful for his tactic. There would only be a handful of reasons for him to come to New York, unannounced, by himself. None of them good.

"I need to call you back, Eric," Mac said. The doctor slowly returned the receiver to its cradle and stood. "Dean?"

"Caleb and Sam are fine."

"Thank God. For a second…" Mac pulled his glasses off, rubbing his eyes. He leaned against the desk. "These days I'm prepared for the worst."

"I know." Dean crossed the room. "I'm sorry."

Mac looked up. "It's always good to see you, but what the hell were you thinking?"

Dean took a seat in one of the leather chairs. "I was thinking I should come tell you about Adam in person."

"Adam?" Mac's frown deepened. "Joshua's friend from the coven?"

"No." Dean pulled the snapshot he'd pocketed from his coat, tossing it on Mac's desk as if it were damning evidence. "Our long lost brother, Adam. He's dead, by the way."

Mac picked up the picture, his face losing what little color it had gained. "No." He slumped wearily in his chair. "That can't be."

Dean had been almost certain if anyone knew about Dad's secret it would be Mac. Now he knew for sure. "Sam and I torched his corpse yesterday. Kate's dead, too."

Mac met his gaze. "How…I don't understand."

"Join the club. There are a hell of a lot of things I don't understand, starting with the fact my father had a whole other life going on I knew nothing about."

Mac sighed, putting down the photograph. "Dean…"

"But you knew. Didn't you?"

"John came to me after he met the boy."

"And you decided to keep it to yourself, even after Dad died."

"Your father made it clear Adam was to be kept out of the loop up until at some point in time when the demon issue was cleared up, and the threat to your family was no longer prevalent."

Dean rolled his eyes. "So pretty much never."

"He didn't want him contacted if the worst happened. He only wanted him cared for in his absence."

That gave Dean his answer. Dad never meant for them to be a family. "You footed the bill."

"For his education."

"He was pre-med."

Mac swallowed hard. "I always thought you would have made a fine doctor, Dean."

"Would have been hard for me to handle medical school with being a full-time parent and hunter."

Mac looked chagrined. "I'm sorry."

"Did Jim know?"

"No. I was the only one John told."

"Bobby would have kicked his ass."

"Johnathan was my best friend, Son. A brother." Mac leaned across the desk. "Surely you understand that."

"I understand that the people I thought I knew keep changing into things I don't even recognize anymore."

"I know this must be hard…"

"Hard?" Dean laughed. "He took him to ballgames, fishing, camping, made it a point to make a big deal of his birthday. He taught him how to drive for fucks sake, bought him his first beer. I remember how you and Dad used to argue about those very things, and why he should make the time for them with me and Sammy." Even more so Dean knew for a fact Caleb used to beg for the boys to live with them. He wanted Dean to go to college on a baseball scholarship to LSU, with Mac picking up the rest of the tab.

"I would have given anything for your father to have done all those things with you and Samuel- to have understood the importance of letting you both be normal children."

"But he didn't." Dean hadn't come to Mac's to vent his mounting frustration. He'd come for answers. But his momentum had built on the way to New York and he couldn't help getting a few things off his chest.

"Dad taught me how to drive when I was ten and it was in case we needed to escape from whatever hell beast we were hunting and he was injured. _Damien_ bought me my first beer and took me to my first ballgame at Yankee Stadium, and stood in for about another dozen firsts that a father should have done. Pastor Jim made a big deal out of the birthdays we were around for, but there were a few years I was lucky to get Sammy a fucking cupcake. Normal was a four-letter word in our lives and you sure as hell knew it." It was low because a part of Dean realized Mac had done the best he could by them. He remembered the hunt when his father disappeared. Mac was the one to come to the rundown motel after a week on their own.

Mac ran a hand through his hair. "John wanted to right the wrongs he had played out with you and Samuel. You boys were older by then. Sam was in college."

"But he still had time to right the wrongs with _us_." Dad could have gone to see Sam at Stanford. He could have told Dean he was proud of him, created some stability in their lives. It wasn't too late but their father had given up on them and moved on with Adam.

"I couldn't deny him a second chance, not after as you pointed out I'd given him so many lectures on how better to raise his sons." Mac looked down at the picture. "A part of me was proud of him, even if it made me more aware of what you and Samuel had been denied."

"The woman…Adam's mom." Dean licked his lips. "Did he love her?"

Mac cleared his throat. "I think your father cared for Kate, but John Winchester only loved one woman. Your mother."

Dean didn't know why it made a difference, but it did. "You know I get that he didn't have a choice with me and Sammy. That he tried to offer us the best he could with Pastor Jim and The Brotherhood. He tried to keep us safe and I don't blame him for protecting Adam from this life."

"Then that makes you a better man than most, me included." Mac looked up at him.

"No, I just remember the Dad I had before," Dean stated. Adam's father is what his dad was supposed to be.

"Did you tell Caleb?"

"Yeah." Dean snorted. "You should be expecting a call from him very soon."

"I take it you shared your theory about me knowing about Adam with my son, then?"

"Yep." Dean called Caleb as soon as he left Sam and Adam at the motel that first night. "That whole best friend, brother thing. You understand."

"Touché." Mac took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Caleb will not be quite as understanding of John's discretion, nor my deception."

Dean couldn't disagree. "Damien is a little biased."

"When it comes to you and brother, most definitely." Mac sat back in his chair. "How is Sam taking this?"

Dean pushed himself straighter in the chair. "Not exactly as I would have expected."

"He reminds me more of your father every day."

All Dean could do was nod in agreement. He was scared of his brother's transformation. It was one thing to internalize that he knew they were similar; it was another to have his brother say his father's words. He could no longer deny Sam was obsessed. Sam was willing to use Adam as bait. Was his brother jealous, did he go so far as to get revenge on their father by training Adam? Dean pushed the thought away.

"You want to tell me exactly what happened?"

"The Winchester curse happened." Dean didn't want to think about how Adam died, why he died. He was so tired of losing battles. "The gig dad was working when he hooked up with Kate came back to haunt him. Revenge sucks."

"I'm sorry." Mac picked up the photograph and offered it back to Dean. "I know what family means to you."

Dean shrugged, slipping the picture back into his pocket. "You had no way of knowing what was going to happen." He felt bad for Adam, for his mother and couldn't stop the nagging sensation that he had somehow failed them. Dean didn't know if he could call what he was experiencing grief. His brother was dead, but in this case _brother _had no where near the meaning Dean typically associated with the word.

Brother was how he felt for Sam...the depth of connection he had with Caleb. Adam was an opportunity lost, like so many other opportunities Dean felt robbed of.

Mac nodded. "Still I feel like I've failed John on so many levels. Sam, you, and now Adam. Nothing is safe."

Dean shook his head. "Adam's in a better place." A place that was not under imminent threat of an apocalypse only he could stop. "Maybe he and Dad are together."

"Maybe." Mac cleared his throat. "Do you have time for," he glanced down at his watch, "lunch?"

Dean smiled. He recognized the white flag tactic and was in need of a cease fire. "How guilty do you feel, Doc?"

"Enough for a steak at Ben Benson's."

"As long as I don't have to wear a jacket, I'm in." Mac was respecting his father's wishes, which is what Dean had been trying to do, too. And Dean did understand what went on between brothers, between best friends. More importantly Mac was family, and family could be forgiven anything.

RcJ & Ti


	9. Degringolade

D`egringolade

Beta: Tidia

A/N: Well, what can we say? Things are looking grim. This is us playing a little catch up although we're still flying blind. I was glad to see on last night's episode that Dean had escaped for some fishing at Pastor Jim's farm. ;-)

_D`egringolade n: a rapid decline or deterioration (as in strength or condition) : downfall_

**RCJ**

Bobby stepped outside, moved away from the house until he reached the Impala. He leaned against the hood, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. Delilah wriggled from beneath her favorite junker, sauntered to where Bobby stood. The Rottweiler sat on Bobby's boots, leaning her massive body against his legs for a rub down.

Bobby scratched the dog's head as he listened to the phone ringing on the other end. He sent a quick glance to the house, confident Dean would stay at his post.

"_Yeah?" _

"Where the hell are you, Junior?"

"_Have I told you lately how good your John Winchester impersonation is getting, Sanford?" _

Bobby grunted. Any other time the smart ass reply might have been comforting. Right now he felt irritated that Caleb wasn't with Dean and Sam. "Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, drop it and get your ass to my place ASAP. I need your help here."

"_That's going to be a little difficult considering I'm in Hawaii." _

"What?" Bobby stepped away from the car, pressing the phone closer to his ear, hoping to hell he didn't hear Caleb right. "Did you say Hawaii?"

"_Lanai City, actually. Triad business. Dean didn't tell you?" _

"No, he didn't." Bobby's frustration rose. What were the boys thinking? Armageddon was at hand. "You picked a hell of a time to go on vacation, Kid."

"_If I were going on a vacation I sure the hell wouldn't have picked a dime-sized piece of volcano ash in the middle of the fucking ocean. I'm here to see Victor. The retired Scholar couldn't be bothered to return mine or Riley's calls or emails so I invaded his own private paradise." _

Bobby remembered their conversation from a few weeks ago. Caleb was determined to find out about the mysterious Triad power and Advisor journals. "You're still sniffing out that Benjamin Mosley lead?"

Bobby heard the telltale sigh, could picture the look of self-recrimination on Caleb's face.

"_For all the good it did me. Good old Victor is playing it all close to the vest. Having a conversation with him is like verbal chess and his psychic ability keeps me from reading him without it getting nasty."_

"Well forget about him." Even if Caleb could pull something from the past Scholar, it wouldn't be what they needed. "I want you home. Now."

"_Why? What the hell is so urgent?" _

"Dean and Sam are here."

"_I thought they were tracking down Castiel's meat suit?" _

Bobby rubbed at a speck of mud on the Impala's emblem. "You know about that?"

"_Deuce called me on their way to Illinois. Did something happen?" _

"Doesn't it always?" Nothing ran smooth with the Winchesters. They were cursed.

"_Are they okay?" _

He recognized the fear and uncertainty in Caleb's voice. As much as he would have liked to have had a better answer, he was never one to sugar coat it for the boys. "No. They're in a bad way."

"_They're hurt? But I haven't felt anything…" _

Bobby rushed to cut him off. "They're not injured-not exactly. Sam's strung out."

"_I'm not following you." _

"He's been drinking demon blood."

"_What? That's insane." _

"So is bargaining your soul to a bunch of demons, and using a fucking amulet you know is going turn you inside out, but nobody has ever accused you chuckle heads of being the brightest in the bunch."

"_Goddamnit Sammy. How long?" _

"I'd wager it started when Dean went to Hell. The kid's been using the stuff like supernatural steroids." Bobby wasn't surprised by the lengths the Winchesters or Caleb would go. He didn't know whether to admire the hell out of their tenacity, or rage about how completely fucked up they all were. Either way, he inevitably blamed John. Caleb had someone else in mind.

"_Ruby." _

"I would pin her as the supplier. She probably worked the kid like any good drug dealer would. Got him at a low point, boasted the pros of juicing up, mix in a little hanky-panky and she set her hook good." Sam was a perfect mark. Anger, grief, and fear were all emotions that primed someone for a demon possession. Demon infusion was just the next step up.

"_I'm going to rip that bitch from limb to limb." _

"Get in line."

"_It definitely explains the boost in his abilities, why I couldn't read him. I can't fucking believe I missed it. The way he was acting after these last few hunts…the high he was on. I should have paid more attention when he started acting completely off…saying crazy shit."_

"Well you and Dean can play the should've, could've, would've game all you want, it ain't going to help Sam one damn bit."

"_Can you help him?" _

It was the same thing Dean asked him. Bobby didn't have the quick answer for Caleb either. "We put him in the panic room to dry out."

"_Will that work? Going cold turkey?" _

"Considering Betty Ford hasn't branched out to the hunting world, I'm guessing it's our only avenue." Bobby scratched his beard. He hadn't run across a case like Sam's. The closest research he'd done had been for Mac about Caleb. Being born with demon blood and ingesting it would obviously produce two different effects. "We'll have to play it by ear, like with Seaver's bobble."

"_Bobby I was out of it for weeks when I used the amulet and I'd only been under its effects for a few months."_

"I didn't say it was going to be easy, Junior or pretty to watch." Bobby could still hear Sam screaming at them to let him out. It was only going to get worse. "Like I said, I'm doing the only thing I know, cutting the off the head of the snake."

"_What about Mac? Do you think Dad might be able to do something? At least make the process easier?" _

Bobby took a deep breath, refrained from pointing out that making Sam's life easier could be one of the reasons they were at this point. "Dean doesn't want your old man involved."

"_That makes sense. We haven't exactly clued The Scholar in on the whole Ruby thing." _

"Yeah. I got that." Mackland was going to kick his ass, but Bobby knew the less people who knew about the future Scholar's venture off the tried and true path the better. Not only would Sam be out of the running for The Triad, Caleb would be discounted due to their similarities, and the future Guardian would come off looking like a dupe. "But The Brotherhood is doing some damage control. Jimmy's family will be looked after."

"_What about Dean's angel buddies? They can't lift a wing after all he's been through for the cause?" _

"It seems Dean's guardian angel has been relieved of duty." Bobby had suggested the same thing. "He pretty much told the kid to kiss off."

"_Cas broke up with Deuce? What the hell?" _

Bobby snorted at Caleb's indignation. "Apparently they're a fickle bunch."

"_Pastor Jim would be disappointed. He would have expected more." _

Bobby missed Jim's unique spin on things. He couldn't imagine how the past Guardian could find a bright spot in what was happening but they all missed his guidance. "I think this is all more convoluted than Jim ever imagined."

"_How's Deuce holding up?" _

"He thinks he's up for it." Bobby glanced towards the house. "I think he's being optimistic."

"_Why the hell didn't he call me?"_

"One guess."

"_He's protecting Sam." _

"Something like that." Dean was scrambling to salvage the last vestiges of his family. Sam was slipping through his fingers. Bobby had witnessed the boy go through that loss once before, and this scenario had the possibility of being so much worse.

"_This isn't going to turn into another Cold Oak, Bobby. I won't let it." _

He didn't know if Caleb was reading him or had drawn the same conclusions himself. "How fast can you get here?However this goes down, they're going to need you, kid."

"_I'll hop the next water taxi to Honolulu and pick up a private jet from there. Whatever it takes, I'm on my way." _

"Good. Call me as soon as you get stateside."

"_Bobby?" _

"Yeah?"

"_Don't let them out of your sight." _

Bobby heard the unspoken plea. Keep them safe. Don't let us lose them again. He was getting too damn old for this shit. "I'm on the job, Lancelot. Just get yourself here in one piece." Dean wasn't the only one desperate to save a family.

RcJ

AN: This will probably be the last conversation until our season finale after the final two episodes. We're still trying to figure out how what we would like to write will fit in with what actually happens. Believe me, we are as frustrated as everyone else about the strain in the brother's relationship and fear it will only get worse. We will try to stick to Kripke's plan, because that makes it more interesting, but if necessary we will stretch the boundaries as far as possible. Luckily Tidia and I will be watching the season finale together with a bunch of our best buds on a girl's getaway. Woohoo. We'd love to know what you think! And if you're in a mood for some lighter stuff, I've got a new series of Conversations I'm posting only at The Hunter's Tomb. The first one is up and the second one should be up next week. They are my way of denying what's taking place in cannon and keeping hope in the future. ;-)


	10. No Place To Stay

No Place To Stay

By: Ridley and Tidia

Beta: Tidia

A/N: Tidia and I hadn't planned on doing another conversation, but felt we needed to touch on this one to set up our finale. Just a reminder, the first part of this is in Sam's pov. It is not necessarily what we believe. Takes place at the end of episode 4.21, slight spoilers. Enjoy.

_**"When The Levee Breaks"**_

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,  
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.

Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,  
Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home,  
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well.

Don't it make you feel bad  
When you're tryin' to find your way home,  
You don't know which way to go?  
If you're goin' down South  
They go no work to do,  
If you don't know about Chicago.

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,  
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,  
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

All last night sat on the levee and moaned,  
Thinkin' about me baby and my happy home.  
Going, going to Chicago... Going to Chicago...

_Sorry but I can't take you...  
Going down... going down now... going down...._

_-Led Zeppelin_

RcJ&Ti

Sam closed the hotel room door behind him, determined never to look back. He'd done it with his father and Dean's lack of trust made it all the more easier. Lilith was his priority now. Catching up with Ruby to take the final step was his only mission. Like his mother said: Dean didn't understand. He would never understand.

"Look what I found slithering out the front door." The voice stopped him cold. Caleb stood in the hallway; Ruby held out with the Dragon's Talon pressed against her throat. A trickle of red ran down her neck and Sam's mouth watered. "She's not the formidable opponent she usually is. I guess donating a couple of pints has left her a little more human."

"He caught me off guard," Ruby explained.

"Dean called you, and you came running back from Hawaii." Sam wasn't surprised. It was just like his brother to go crying to Caleb.

Caleb's face relaxed into a mock innocence. "Deuce didn't call me. He doesn't know I'm here."

Sam could still read the lie. Caleb had made his choice weeks ago. "You got a bad feeling? A vision? About Dean or me?" He stepped closer to Caleb and Ruby.

"You tried to kill your brother."

"God, this is so rich. You two were made for each other. You're concerned about Dean. He worries about you." Sam said it in a singsong voice, which had Ruby smiling. He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Where the hell were you when I was suffering through hours and hours of torture? Where was that great sympathetic link to The Triad then? Did you feel any of it, or does The Knight thing only work for The Guardian?"

Sam gave him credit, Caleb actually looked stricken. His voice breaking was the perfect touch. "I can't sense you anymore, Sammy, and it has nothing to do with The Triad." He gave Ruby a hard shake. "It's because of what this bitch has done to you."

"So the demon blood has blurred our connection?" Sam laughed, wondering if there was ever any connection to anyone. His life had never been his own, and he was finally taking some control. "That's funny and damn ironic seeing as how the demon blood makes me your brother more than Dean will ever be. Did you forget _your lineage, _Damien?"

Caleb pressed the knife deeper into Ruby's throat, causing her to wince. "She's fucked with your head, Sam. Feeding you half truths along with her poison. This isn't you, man. Noah Seaver's amulet did the same thing to me. I thought I was invincible, that I was right about everything. I saw things clearly and everyone else was off base, but the power blinded me. It was a lie Sam. All of this is a lie."

"This is different than the amulet." Sam shook his head at Caleb's naiveté. "This isn't about saving Dean. It's about saving the world, mankind. It's my destiny."

"Going dark side is not your destiny. Ruby just wants you to think it is." Caleb gripped her forearm tighter.

"Sam is the _only one_ who can kill Lilith," Ruby said. She met Sam's gaze, gave a slight smile. "He's stronger than you know."

"How about you stop talking before I cut off your head," Caleb growled.

Ruby didn't seem as concerned by the threat. "Sam, we're wasting time. Get this over with."

"She has another motive, Runt. We just haven't put it all together yet. Think about it. The things Rose did to Dean, Boone's murder, the trap in Wyoming and your little spell as Sleeping Beauty. They are all linked to this bitch."

This is exactly what Ruby had warned him about, how things could be twisted to seem bad in a certain light, just like his abilities. "This isn't about Ruby! This is about me, about who I am."

Caleb frowned. "You don't think I know who you are? Shit, looking at you is like looking in a damn funhouse mirror sometimes. All the doubts, worries I've ever had about myself over the years…the fear that I'd turn on the people I love. Maybe it's why I couldn't see what you were doing..."

Sam recalled their earlier meeting after the gig with the magicians. "I tried to talk to you about this before. I wanted you on my side."

"So I could what? Join you in a demon cocktail?"

Ruby was working her free hand up to the knife. "Sam is going to stop Lilith."

Caleb pulled her hair back, ceasing her motion. "You, don't talk to me."

"I had to get away." They were the same words he used when he had gone to Stanford. "Dean didn't want me in the fight." These were words Caleb could understand, hadn't Dean done the same to Caleb before.

"He doesn't want you to get hurt. He's worried about you," Caleb said softly.

Sam's anger flared, taking in a copious amount of demon blood at one time had made his mood erratic. It was the excuse he was using about leaving his brother injured in the motel room. "He should worry for himself. Like I said he came back weak."

"You keep saying he's weak. But has he done anything to show you that he is weak? Because I sure as hell don't see it. Maybe he came back as the guy who is supposed to do the job."

"Because he is a righteous man? He can't stomach the job anymore." Ever since Dean came back from Hell it was one excuse after another without Dean embracing his duty.

"He's not reckless," Caleb explained.

Sam snorted. "But that's what we need. A leap of faith—you know all about faith." He used to think they were so much alike, both he and Caleb less skeptical, more worldly than Dean. Now Sam saw how limiting faith was. It was all invested in Dean.

"I have faith in us, in The Brotherhood."

"Faith in The Triad?" Ruby snickered. She seemed bored by Caleb's immobility. "Rose and I trapped you by using The Triad. Do you remember that?"

"Yep, and I still remember how Dean gutted your girlfriend."

Her eyes flashed black.

"I still remember what your girl did to Dean. What those drugs did to him. You were in on it," Caleb whispered in her ear, but it was loud enough for Sam to hear.

"You don't remember that I tried to help when Sam asked me to?" Ruby puckered her lips. "Rose wasn't in my back pocket. She had her own life. She was independent, adventurous. I thought that was something that you looked for in a girl?" Ruby's eyes met Sam's and they were the warm brown he expected. "Look, I'm sorry I hurt Josh. Sam forgave me. Rose promised me she wasn't going to hurt anyone. But Rose is dead. I made a mistake. I've been trying to make up for it by helping Sam, saving him. I can help you, too, save you from all those insecurities about your demon side." She shifted her eyes to give Caleb a sideways glance.

"Who says I have insecurities?"

Sam knew Caleb was bluffing. He had just admitted he worried about turning on his friends and family.

"Are you worried that Dean won't like you anymore if you use your abilities to their full capacity, like Sammy?"

"Nothing can change the fact that Dean and Sam are brothers," Caleb retorted.

"My brotherhood status has strings." Sam was so tired of the same old argument. They were also wasting time. Lilith was getting away while they were having a circular conversation.

"Don't you see what she's doing?" Caleb continued. "I sure as hell understand it now, and I'm going to do everything I can to fix it. Whatever hold she has over you ends now."

"I can't let you do that." Sam lifted his hand. The Dragon's Talon was jerked from Ruby's throat and pried from Caleb's grip. The Knight was thrown against the wall, pinned with his feet dangling above the floor. "I need someone on my side."

"She is not on your side, Sam!" Caleb struggled against the hold. "Arrhhh! You don't know what you're doing. The Brotherhood could be what we need to stop all of this. We have to work together."

Caleb was struggling against the hold, also trying to invade Sam's mind, which he easilyhe easily blocked. "Again with The Triad?" Sam said. "You always come back to that."

"It's because I have an obligation and so do you."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "The Brotherhood puts you at a disadvantage. You have no idea how your positions can be used against you."

Sam glanced at the silver band still on his hand. He slid it free, felt the weight of his old life disappearing as he tossed it against the wall below Caleb's feet. "I quit."

"This isn't the kind of job you can turn a resignation in and walk away! You knew that when you took that ring from Dean, when you accepted your position as Scholar. Triads aren't disbanded that easily."

"There's always a way out," Ruby said as she bent down and retrieved the blade that had been against her throat. She stepped to Caleb, tracing a The Triad symbol over his stomach before angling the blade towards his heart. "Circles can be broken."

"Ruby," Sam warned her to back off. "I don't _need _The Brotherhood. It isn't holding me back anymore."

"No, but The Knight can still offer us something." Ruby lifted the knife, stabbing Caleb in the leg. Caleb cried out at the sudden onslaught. "Who's weakened by their human side now?"

Sam moved forward. "Ruby. Stop." He saw the shiny redness that winked at him on the blade as Ruby pulled it from Caleb.

"Remember what I said about you needing more than I can give you? This will work." Sam watched as she ran her fingers over the blade, Caleb's blood pooling between her digits. "Why not go straight to the source?"

Sam's heart pounded in his ears. Sweat broke out on his face as the scent reached him. The call was undeniable as his body recognized what was being offered. "No." This was Caleb, not some demon.

"Azazeal's blood, Sam." Ruby wasn't deterred. "He's a source. You don't have to kill him. We'll just take what you need." She brushed against Sam, pressing her fingers to her lips before kissing Sam. He couldn't stop himself. Sam closed his eyes and took her offering. "It's for the greater good," she whispered.

"Sammy…" Caleb's voice had him opening his eyes, stepping away from Ruby. The older hunter's features registered both his physical pain and the betrayal. "Don't do this."

Sam looked at Ruby. He rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth, the taste of power still tingling on his tongue, teasing him with the possibility. She smiled and lifted her hand.

"Give me the flask."

RcJ & Ti

The touch was warm on his skin, the voice insistent he wake up. Dean blinked, hoping he was caught up in another Hell nightmare. The aches and pains in his body definitely gave the thought credibility. Caleb's face slowly swam into focus. "Damien?"

"Look at me, Deuce." Caleb's hand moved from his face to his shoulder. "Do you know where you are?"

Dean's throat burned. "Is a bikini clad beach in Hawaii out of the fucking question?"

Caleb snorted. "Afraid so."

"Then my next guess would be Sam and Ruby's honeymoon suite." Dean wanted to gag. It was like being caught up in Sam's dream world when he realized that Ruby was playing the role of Sam's wife.

"Not all bad news. The happy couple's gone."

"Yeah." Dean lifted a hand to his head feeling the dried blood where his skull had impacted with the vanity mirror. "I got that much before succumbing to the concussion."

"I ran into them on their way out." Caleb gripped his arm. "You okay?"

"Sammy tried to kill me." Dean thought that would explain it all.

Caleb nodded. "Let's get you up?"

Dean wasn't sure if getting vertical was a good idea, but he couldn't lay on the floor forever. There was the apocalypse and all. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Easy." Caleb stopped once he made it to what passed as a sitting position, brushing at shards of glass stuck to his coat. "Take it slow, Tiger."

Dean wrapped an arm around his ribs, closing his eyes to keep the nausea at bay. Slow was good. "You try to stop them?"

Caleb pulled him the rest of the way up, maneuvering them out of the rubble. "Try is an interesting word."

Dean wavered, leaning into his friend to regain his equilibrium. Everything hurt, including his pride. "According to your buddy Yoda, there is no try."

"Funny you should say that." Caleb kept a hand on him as he walked them towards the bed. "I'm definitely feeling the Obi Wan thing today, the _young_ Obi from the prequels, the one Anakin screwed over."

Dean swallowed, wincing as his friend helped him to sit down. He tried to coax some levity into his voice. "I'm getting a little bit of the Abel vibe myself. How did Cain do away with his brother again?"

"Bible doesn't really say." Caleb's fingers brushed against his throat where Sam had tried to strangle him. "Do you need a doctor?"

Dean blinked away the burning in his eyes. "No." He shook his head. "I'm okay." They didn't have time for him to be otherwise.

"Yeah." Caleb let his hand drop. "You look it."

"Do you need an ER run?" Dean hadn't missed his friend's pinched features, pale face. He zeroed in on the way Caleb struggled to help him up, favoring his right leg where he could now see blood stains and a makeshift bandage. Dean wasn't sure he wanted to know what had happened, but couldn't overlook the obvious injury. "You're bleeding."

"I unwillingly gave to the cause."

Dean gaze traveled from the wound on Caleb's thigh up to his friend's face. "What?"

"Thanks to dear old great grand dad, apparently my blood is the China white of demon juice. Go figure."

Dean felt bile rise to the back of his throat as the implication sank in. "Sam…"

"No." Caleb reached for his duffle, dug inside for the first aid kit. "Ruby tapped me like a frat party keg."

"That bitch is dead." She would already have been gone if Sam hadn't stopped him. "I'm going to have her head on a platter."

"Don't sweat it." Caleb shrugged. "I'm down a pint or so, but nothing a cookie and some juice won't fix."

"That's not funny." Dean watched his friend as he unpacked peroxide and butterfly bandages, purposefully avoiding his gaze. Joking was a coping technique they both used, but Caleb's overzealous attempts were unsettling. "Nothing about this is fucking funny, Damien." Sam had betrayed them.

Caleb soaked a bandage, dabbed it against the the wound on Dean's forehead. "I hear you and Cas are an item again, that the angels have plans for you."

Dean winced, forced himself to hold still. He figured if he let Caleb do this, then Caleb would let him look at his leg wound. "You talked to Bobby?"

Caleb nodded. "I called him as soon as I got stateside. He told me where you were headed."

"The angels made my deal with the Crossroad Demon look like a health club contract. Only thing missing was Castiel laying a wet slobbery one on me."

"That could come back to bite you in the ass."

"Yeah." Dean wondered how and by whom Castiel had been re-indoctrinated. Dean wished he had found out more about Uriel's faction. "Not really counting on any Michael Landon moves from good old Cas."

"Maybe you shouldn't count him out yet."

"Did Bobby tell you the part where they were no help at all with Sam?" Dean looked up at his friend. "I don't trust the angels, Damien."

"Dude, if you can't trust God's army, who the hell can you trust?"

He did not know where Caleb's unwavering belief in God came from, because he protested going to Pastor Jim's church and slept through services he was forced to attend. "That's exactly what I'm saying. I don't know if I believe in God or if I want to."

"Sounds like he believes in you." Caleb raised a brow. "Wasn't that always Pastor Jim's point? He could not have been wrong about the whole thing. Something's not right here. We're missing some crucial piece of the puzzle."

Dean wished for Pastor Jim's presence, the man's constancy of character. "Bobby warned me to go easy." Dean looked to the left where he and Sam had battled. "I don't think this is what he had in mind."

Caleb passed him two Tylenols. "Bobby wasn't here."

"Good thing. I'm not sure who he would have sided with." It hurt that Bobby's words planted more doubts in his mind when Dean already had more than his fair share. "I don't think I could have held them both off."

"I don't think any of us expected the battle lines to cut across home base."

Dean licked his lips after dry swallowing the tablets. "He wanted to let Sam do his thing, thought that maybe we were holding him back because we loved him too much"

"Bobby can be as much of an ass as John Winchester when it comes to the fight. You know how the demon stuff gets him going." Caleb rubbed his eyes. "And for the record, you can never love someone too much, Deuce."

"You sure?" Dean thought back to his sacrifices. "Maybe I was wrong back at Cold Oak. Look what I started, where it's landed Sam-somewhere a whole of a lot worse than a hunter's funeral."

"Dude." Caleb rested a hand on his leg. "No Monday morning quarterbacking, right?"

Dean didn't acknowledge the fact Caleb wasn't disagreeing with him. "I just wanted to save him, Damien. I just wanted my brother back, and now I've lost him anyway."

"This isn't over. As long as we're still breathing, there's time to turn it all around."

The physical harm they had unleashed on one another was the least of their problems. "I told him if he walked out, not to come back." Dean pressed a hand to his side where a throbbing ache was demanding his attention. "I sounded just like Dad."

Caleb pulled his hand away, running practiced hands over Dean's ribs. "You are nothing like your old man." He frowned, unhappy with the way Dean hissed and jerked beneath his touch. "Sam will come back. You'll forgive him."

Dean couldn't help to hear the accusation in the statement, and the unspoken, 'even if you shouldn't'. . "Will you?"

"There's nothing to forgive." Caleb went back to his medical bag, putting away some of the supplies. "It's the blood. Ruby. It would be like blaming someone who's possessed."

"You sure about that?" Dean wanted to believe what Caleb was saying, but the mind and the heart were two very different animals. Caleb was ruled by the later. "Forgiving and forgetting are not the same thing."

"Goddamnit , Deuce, stop poking me with a stick." Caleb tossed the bag on the bed beside him. "What the hell do you want me to say?"

"First, sit down; let me check out that leg." Dean got up with a groan, pulled the medical bag towards him. "You're acting as if this is some run of the mill gig gone astray. This is Sam."

Caleb took Dean's vacated spot on the bed. "I'm really trying not to think about the fact Sam attacked Bobby, pissed on The Brotherhood, and stood by and watched while his girlfriend had her fucking way with me. Asking me to talk about him rationally as I piece your ass back together, yet again, is beyond what I can give you at the moment."

Dean poured the hydrogen peroxide on the wound.

Caleb hissed. "Fuck that hurts."

"Yeah. Tell me about it." Dean was agreeing on a different type of pain. "There's no going back." He cleared his throat. "This isn't about The Brotherhood. This is you and me here so if you want out, want to change your mind. . ." He would offer the same to Bobby.

"A while back ago, Sam accused me of taking sides, choosing you over him." Dean listened as he blotted the wound. Either Caleb or Ruby had opened up the pant leg allowing better access. "But the thing is, there never was any choice. Whatever you do, however this fucking plays out, I've got your back."

Dean was relieved even though it was what he expected. ""We have to find him." A part of him hated the idea of chasing after his brother, but watching out for Sam, even if it was only to protect him from himself, was ingrained. "Can you sense him?"

"No, but I'm hoping Josh might be able to help with that." Caleb watched Dean thread the needle for stitches.

Dean had not told Mac about Sam's attachment to Ruby, sworn Bobby to secrecy too so that when Sam came to his senses he could return to his old life. As moments passed and things degenerated, it seemed less possible, yet he had to try. "Can we trust him to go along with this?"

Caleb looked up. "Why not?"

"Because aside from the fact Sam attacked Bobby, pissed on The Brotherhood, his best girl is the one that stabbed Josh, then there is the other problem that Josh is our Advisor, and has a duty to The Brotherhood."

"He has a duty to his Triad. We come first." Caleb grunted as Dean made the first stitch. "He'll help, and we'll throw in Ruby as a bonus."

He had to voice the concern. However, Joshua had changed, forsaken his father for them. Dean also felt Joshua respected him, which was more than he got from his own brother these days. "We're going to have to split up. I'll go back to Bobby's, see if he can narrow down Lilith's location." Bobby was one of the Central command stations for The Brotherhood. "You go to Josh's place."

"Only if you promise not to confront Sam on your own." Caleb waited for Dean to meet his gaze. "It's not safe."

Dean lifted a brow. "Same goes for you."

Caleb nodded. "We'll get him back, Deuce then we'll find the nearest bar and make him buy us drinks."

They both knew there was no such simple solution. As he said, he would forgive Sam, but forgetting would be harder. "Detailing for a year, maybe." He tied the last stitch, placed some antibiotic ointment on the gauze and taped it closed. "You good to go?"

"Are you?" Caleb stood up slowly.

Dean wanted to go home, home to the farm where there was a dog, some brew and peace. But home meant Sam, too, and it was all out of his grasp. Dean clutched Caleb's forearm for closure. This may be the last time he saw his best friend. "Got a date with destiny."

Caleb returned the embrace then pulled him in. "Destiny doesn't mean we end up dead. A year ago you were telling me goodbye, and here we are. . ."

Dean smiled. "And it's still all about me." He'd gone too far or not far enough for a happy ending since Hell seemed to follow him back to earth. "It started with me. It ends with me. That's what the angels say." Dean dropped the grip. "Damien, no matter what happens don't second guess that your destiny is to be a good guy, white hat and all." He patted his friend on the shoulder, headed to the door. It was time to go.

"Deuce?"

"Yeah?"

"Destiny can just as easy be a couple of hot chicks, some cold beer on a beach in Hawaii with your best wing man."

Dean grinned, needing more than ever to believe that was a possibility. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Caleb gave a tight nod. " Same goes for you."

RCJ & TI

A/N: We did not forget about Sam's ring. That will come up again, we promise. As for the finale, we're still waiting with everyone else for exactly how this is all going to play out. All comments are so appreciated!


	11. Light and Shadow

Light and Shadow

By: Tidia and Ridley James

A/N: Due to the nature of Kripke's finale cliffhanger, this is the final installment in Conversations, and is our season finale. You might be surprised to see some things we've been planning for a couple of years now finally come to light. We are excited about our plans for next season. This takes place during Lucifer's Rising and there are slight spoilers. As always, we love to hear what you think!

RCJ&TI

"_Shadow is proof that a source of light exists." _

"Come on Bobby, answer the damn phone." Caleb tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, his eyes glued to the door of Joshua's townhouse as if by sheer will he could conjure the other hunter. He was in a quiet suburban neighborhood with all the two level houses looking the same other than the color they were painted-pale yellow, pale blue and gray. None of these people knew about the breaking of the seals, about the Winchesters, or The Brotherhood. They slept in blissful ignorance.

Caleb held the cell phone between his shoulder and chin to check his watch. Joshua had him waiting ten minutes already. During that time a lot had happened, and he was calling Bobby for answers. He was about to hang up to try Singer's cell when the mechanic answered.

"_Rufus, I swear to all that is holy…" _

Caleb heaved a sigh of relief. "It's me."

"_Junior? Where the hell are you?" _

"The more important question is: where the hell is Dean? He's off my radar." Caleb panicked when his connection to the eldest Winchester vanished. Sam was veiled. He knew they were alive, but every worst case scenario ran through his mind. "I tried his phone. There's no answer."

"_He disappeared." _

Caleb gripped the steering wheel. They should have never split up. "Damn it, Bobby. He was supposed to be at your place. You promised you would shadow him until we tracked down Sammy."

"_I don't mean disappear as in give me the slip, Kid. I mean vanished, poof, like a goddamn magic trick." _

Caleb banged his head against the back of the seat. "Castiel." He couldn't wait to meet this guy.

"_Angel Boy was my first guess." Bobby continued, "Speaking of disappearing, where's The Scholar? I've tried to reach him." _

"Last time I talked to him he was with Griffin and Missouri. Reaching them is like reaching the Joint Chiefs of Staff the day after 9-11. With the seals gone Dad must be feeling a little like Bruce Willis with a meteor targeting his ass." He started to unbuckle his seatbelt, contemplating dragging Joshua out to the car.

"_What are you going to do?" _

Caleb rubbed a hand over his mouth to stop himself from further reaction. "I'm going to find Sam."

"_Dean told me what happened with you two. You think that's the best place for you to be?" _

He tried to forget what had happened. Caleb had made a mistake, so many of them. He should have guessed something was wrong with Sam. The youngest Winchester had touched the amulet the year before in Wyoming and it had morphed, like it did for him. It should have resonated as a warning to be vigilant. However, Caleb could not have foreseen that Sam would ingest demon blood to spark what Yellow Eyes had given him at 6 months. "You got a better suggestion? I don't think I'm going to swing a trip to Heaven's magical holding place, or wherever Castiel has whisked Deuce off to."

"_But you think you can find Sam?" _

"I have a plan." The plan involved Joshua, his ability as a witch, which Caleb hoped could combat anything Ruby had up her sleeve.

"_Why does that worry me?" _

"Look Bobby, I got to go." Caleb cut the connection as Joshua exited his house. He was dressed all in black, making it hard for Caleb to make him out, but his track pants did have a white stripe down the side. "About damn time."

"I'm sorry, I know the forty-five minute advance call you gave me should have left ample time for preparation to face imminent Armageddon, but my townhouse doesn't come equipped with a bat pole. I had to change into my super hero costume and equip my utility belt the old fashioned way."

"Right." On a good day Caleb would have appreciated the fact Sawyer was becoming quite funny. Today was not a good day. He started the car. "Where are we going? You can't find Sam from your home base? Does the condo association have a no crafting clause in place? More importantly, did you bring any weapons?" He was unable to bring his normal paraphernalia on the plane. He was counting on Joshua bringing some along.

"Yes, though I do not have your typical _Die Hard_ arsenal at my disposal." Joshua put one of his bags on the floorboard in front of him, the other in the backseat, then slid on his seatbelt. "And as for the scrying, it is amplified or negated by the energy around us. So since you said that Ruby has Sam, then I need to find a place to amplify the negative."

Caleb raised a brow. "A vortex of evil, but somewhere close by and private would be good. North Carolina has a lot of those?" He could think of one spot, but his childhood home in the Outer Banks was way off their path.

"A quiet place appropriately named The Devil's Stomping Ground. Follow the signs to Crowders Mountain State Park."

"You're joking." Caleb shifted gears, the rented Mustang growling as he merged with traffic that would take him to the interstate. He had flown into Charlotte and would have taken any vehicle they had to offer. He was lucky it was a Mustang and not some four cylinder economy car.

"No, really." Joshua pinched the bridge of his nose. "I want to remind you that scrying is not easy even for someone of my talent."

"Don't underestimate yourself there, Mr. Modesty. You did it at The Sinks." Caleb had put a lot of faith in Joshua helping him. He could not turn to Mac, although he wanted to. The current Scholar had not been informed about Sam's descent. Caleb had not fully informed Joshua either.

"Under promise of certain demise."

Caleb took his eyes off the road for a moment. "Consider this the same situation."

Joshua angled his body so he was facing Caleb. "I thought we were past resorting to threats."

"I'm not talking about your doom, Josh." Caleb was grateful for the late night hour as they made it to Interstate 485. "I'm talking about Sam and Dean."

"Of course." Joshua returned his attention to the road. "That makes perfect sense."

Caleb didn't catch what else Joshua muttered under his breath, but he sure as hell picked up on the surge of irritation rolling off the other hunter. "What the hell you getting at?"

"I find it no surprise your focus of concern is wholly for the Winchesters when the world is facing attack of epic proportion. The Knight's priority mission may be to protect The Guardian, but it is not his sole duty." Caleb could see Joshua's clenched fist.

"I'm not officially The Knight." He was arguing semantics, but techincally Mackland was The Triad, the true Knight gone along with his Guardian.

"And if you were, I can say with great confidence that we would still be on this same path."

Getting a lecture on Knight protocol was not appreciated. Caleb kept both hands on the steering wheel to keep them from Joshua's throat. "I'm trying to protect the innocent, damn it. _That_ is my duty. The last time I checked it was the mission of The Brotherhood. Maybe you should reread your grandfather's journal."

"And you are telling me that Sam Winchester is innocent? That he has the best interest of The Brotherhood foremost in his mind? Kidnapped against his will and hidden from you?"

Caleb had said as much on the phone to Joshua to ensure that Joshua would help him. It didn't sound like Joshua had believed the story. He punched the gas, weaving in and around the few cars spread before them. Caleb missed the speed and handling of his Lamborghini. Ford's latest sports car was not cutting it. "I believe he's a victim in this as much as anyone else. Maybe more."

"Interesting." Joshua looked out the window. "It's thinking like _that_ which has placed you and Dean in this most current predicament as I tried to explain to you after Christmas."

"An 'I told you so', Josh?" Caleb growled. "Really?"

"It is not an 'I told you so', although I did warn you about Ruby." He felt Joshua glance at him. "I'm merely pointing out that you don't always think clearly when it comes to the Winchesters as Dean doesn't always think clearly when it comes to you or Sam, much to the detriment of not only yourselves, but those unlucky enough to be tangled in the maelstrom around you."

Caleb couldn't deny it, but having it pointed out at a time like this still pissed him off. "In case you've missed the latest memos from your fiancé, the Winchesters are right in the fucking center of this whole mess. Not to mention they are two-thirds of the future Triad, a Triad you owe allegiance to, a Triad which may be a key to stopping the destruction of everything and everyone."

Joshua's lack of chagrin irritated Caleb further. "There's been no evidence to support that theory of Triad Power unless you're withholding some key information on Ben Mosley you managed to uncover on your interrupted visit with Victor."

"Victor was no help." Caleb would schedule another meeting with the former Scholar and it would go down differently. He believed their Triad was the key. Jim Murphy was a smart man. Caleb would not buy into the theory Jim was grasping at straws, scrambling to merely protect them. He had faith that the pastor had a reason for choosing the men he did. "Mosley will have to wait until I know the boys are safe."

"Then I'm not sure where that leaves us." Joshua pointed to a quickly approaching exit. "Take this one."

"That leaves us finding Sam." Caleb frowned, but swerved across the two lanes of traffic that would allow the turn.

"Are you going to tell me the rest of the story?" Joshua pushed. "I can give you the coven's hypothesis."

Caleb shook his head slowly. "You told them? Did you talk to Adam about this?"

"I warned you that the coven was hunting for Ruby. They've seen them together." Joshua's voice rose. "Against my better judgment, I have been telling them that Sam is using her for information. Am I lying?"

It may have started that way with Ruby worming her way into Sam's life when he was at his lowest. She convinced him they had so much in common, he had lost Jessica and his brother, she had lost her humanity and Rose. After Dean had told him he had seen Ruby in Sam's dream world it all made more sense of her insidiousness. "Sam became addicted to demon blood, and left with Ruby after nearly beating his brother to death. There, you happy?"

Joshua placed a hand on his forehead. "More like shocked. " Joshua dropped his hand, silent for a moment. "Are we _hunting_ Sam?"

Caleb turned his head sharply. His worst nightmare was seeing Sam's demon side, one he shared, come to life. "No. Hell, no."

Again there was Joshua's silence with Caleb shifting uncomfortably. "You're looking for his redemption," Joshua finally said.

"We're saving him, Josh." Caleb took the exit far too quickly, reveling in a surge of satisfaction when Joshua was whipped against the passenger door. "We're saving every fucking body."

Joshua righted himself in the leather seat. He knew to change the topic of conversation to the matter at hand. "Did you bring something for me to scry with? It will have to be something with a powerful connection."

Caleb had Sam's ring, but knew with Sam it was not enough. It still hurt that Sam had made it look so easy to toss the ring aside. "Will blood work?"

"That depends. Whose blood?"

"Mine." His answer was disturbing, leaving him rehashing where he could have gone so wrong that they were all brought to this terrible moment.

Joshua sighed. "I know you and Sam share a psychic bond, one which served us well when you were poisoned by Agatha Hennings, but this is an entirely different matter. If Ruby has used a spell to block your abilities then…"

"I'm not talking about our psychic link." Caleb gave a sidelong glance. "I'm talking about Azazael's blood."

"I see."

"Yes. Sins of the father and all."

"Sam didn't…" Joshua was staring at him again. "Are you saying he drank _your _blood?"

"Maybe. A little." Caleb shot him a quick glance, forced a half smile. He didn't know if Sam would use the flask. "But to be fair Ruby pitched one hell of sale. You would have wanted to recruit her for the PR firm."

Joshua didn't even pretend to be amused. "You realize what Sam has done goes against every code in The Brotherhood?"

"I realize that Sammy isn't the first one to go against The Brotherhood." He wasn't above using Joshua's past discretions or Harland's mistakes as a point. "Sins of the father and all."

Joshua's scowl deepened. "That's why you've kept Mackland in the dark this entire time."

"This stays between us, Josh. This is Triad business."

"So now I'm expected to juggle not only the conflict between the coven and The Brotherhood, but between The Brotherhood and my duties as Advisor?"

Caleb was feeling far from empathetic. "Good thing you've had lots of practice straddling the fence."

"For once I would like to have my feet solidly planted on one side."

"Try being born with one foot firmly embedded in Hell and then we'll talk about the ultimate identity crisis." He really needed to stop the self pity, but it was an easy trap.

Caleb felt the other hunter's barriers strengthen, a mental slamming of the door. "You need to take the next turn."

"Look, I don't need a lecture from you. I lost contact with Dean, too. Until I know he's safe, nothing else matters."

"Was Dean a recent development?"

The mental barrier still had not come down. Caleb wondered if Adam had taught Joshua the new trick. "Your driveway." Caleb squinted to see the upcoming signage. "The angels have him."

"Is everyone against us?"

"Looks like."

Joshua let his head fall back against the seat. "Shit."

"Vulgarity? The common man's crutch?" Caleb threw a quick glance Joshua's way offering a white flag. "Things must be as bad as I thought."

Caleb took the lack of comeback as a resounding 'fuck you'. He was thankful when they reached the trail head, the silence in the car giving him more than enough time to think about Dean and Sam, the absence of their presences gnawing away at the last of his reserves. By the time they parked the car, Joshua's feelings of anger had bled into his own, making it hard for Caleb to keep his temper at bay..

He watched Joshua check, then re-check his backpack. "Josh, it's only the fate of the fucking world."

"Shut up."

The other hunter was determined to keep up the cold shoulder routine. Caleb was past pandering for conversation. He continued to try to make telepathic contact with Dean as he followed Joshua who was more familiar with the area, hoping his persistence might pay off. The beginning of what promised to be one hell of a migraine was his reward. They kept a brutal pace until they reached a fork in the trail, a bald spreading out along one side.

Joshua kneeled down and began to unpack his materials.

Caleb rubbed his forehead. "What do you want me to do?"

"Sit there and be quiet."

Caleb held his comments when Joshua took out his wand and started to draw with it along the perimeter. "Fill that in with salt."

"Yes, Sir." Any distraction was welcomed, even lackey work.

While Caleb sprinkled salt over the lines Joshua had drawn he was becoming distinctly aware that they were running out of time. The inability to establish his link with Dean was bringing painful memories from his friend's death to the surface, reminding him of what was at stake. He could lose Sammy and Deuce. Joshua's words about his duty to The Brotherhood became more daunting as Caleb was given time to question his own motives, the consequences of his actions. It seemed fear and revenge had been his two faithful driving forces as of late. "Can you hurry up?"

"And risk connecting to God knows what? I don't think so."

However, Caleb noticed Joshua did move faster. "This is similar to the circle you made with the demon dog." They had both been so young then, each determined to earn their hunter's rings for very different reasons, hoping to impress two impossible men.

"Same basic principle." Joshua used his wand to form the Triad symbol in the center of the circle. "This time we have salt, which saves me from invoking a sanguineous barrier."

This time Dean and Sam weren't with them, and the rescue party they had counted on back then, John, Boone, and Jim were all dead. He cleared his throat attempting to reclaim his focus. "I'm not your buddy Adam. Please speak non-crafter."

"I don't have to use my blood for the binding." Joshua met his gaze. "Step inside before finishing the last of the salt."

"I know how not to breech a protection circle." Deuce had disregarded the sanctuary back then, throwing himself headlong into danger to go after his brother. Perhaps not much had changed after all.

"The simple things you remember."

Caleb didn't rise to the bait. The painful things were what he remembered. "What's with The Triad symbol? I thought you didn't have a clue as to how its power works." The circles were small, the interlocking pieces taking no more than a square foot of earth. Caleb thought of Wyoming and how Rose trapped them.

"I don't. In this case I'm using it as a representation of the bond you, Sam and Dean share."

Caleb frowned. He respected the Triad, but doubted anything so concrete, so simple could begin to illustrate what ran between him and the Winchester brothers. He watched as Joshua took a small pouch from his side and sprinkled a mixture of what looked to be crushed herbs and dirt over the linked circles.

"Consider it like a family crest. After all, we are calling for lost brothers."

Caleb knelt by Joshua as he deftly unfolded a piece of jagged cloth spreading it beside the symbol. He leaned in closer to get a better look in the lantern light. "Is that a map?"

Joshua nodded, smoothing his fingers over the soft material. "Adam stained it on deer skin."

Caleb rolled his eyes. "How very _Last of The Mohicans_ of him."

Joshua reached for his arm, roughly grabbing his wrist. "I need your knife."

Caleb considered how wise it would be to hand over The Talon at that moment. "You're going to enjoy this, aren't you?"

Joshua tightened his grip. "Not nearly as much as Ruby I'm sure."

Caleb sighed as he was reminded of the recent wound in his leg, which seemed to throb right on cue. The hiking hadn't helped and was sure he'd torn some of Deuce's meticulous stitching. He withdrew the blade from his boot sheath. "What about the crystal? You know the girly amethyst one with the long silver chain?"

Joshua guided his arm over the interlocking circles with a little more force than necessary. "This isn't an episode of_ Charmed_."

"Too bad for us. I would be okay with three hot sisters dancing scantily around us, chanting to their Goddess of choice."

Joshua took the knife, flipping it around so the blade was now pressed against the skin of Caleb's wrist. "Do you even realize how insulting you are?"

"Asks the guy who's made an art of speaking with his foot in his mouth." He tried not to flinch as the polished steel drew blood, bringing a sharp, stinging pain. "Dean would definitely call Pot and Kettle."

"Pot and Kettle?" Joshua turned Caleb's hand so the pooled blood collected in one tiny stream. He let the red liquid drip in one circle before moving Caleb's arm so that a drop fell in each outer section of the symbol.

"Our little inside joke for calling hypocrisy to the carpet." Caleb watched as his blood tainted each oval, and then splattered the interlocking middle.

Joshua released his arm, taking a bandage from his bag and offering it to Caleb. "I'm sure he's fine, you know. Just like with the black dog. Dean Winchester is nothing if not resilient."

Caleb pressed the bandages against his wrist, watching the red seep through. "I hope you're right."

"If the angels believe Dean is the key to stopping the last seal, he's obviously in much safer hands than we can offer and knowing Dean, he isn't going to let anything happen to his brother."

Caleb glanced up. "I want to believe the angels are the good guys." He wanted to believe that for reasons he wasn't about to open up to with Sawyer. "But I have a hard time trusting Sam and Dean's life with anyone."

Joshua surprised him by nodding. "Then let's find them, shall we."

Joshua closed his eyes, and muttered a string of verse Caleb recognized as something close to Gaelic. The other hunter touched his wand to The Triad symbol and it glowed with a strange aura. Caleb scooted back as Joshua reached for the map, placing it face up over the circles. A white flame leapt from the scroll and Caleb met Joshua's gaze across the gleaming map.

"Hello?" Caleb heard someone call out. It wasn't his imagination as Joshua also snapped to alert.

"You have got to be kidding me." Caleb grabbed The Talon, wiping the bloodied blade before shoving it back in his boot. "This is going to be hard to explain."

Coming towards them out of the dewy morning fog was a man. Around his age, light jacket, cargo pants, and a backpack with straps visibly secured. "I'm surprised to find other hikers up here."

Caleb slowly stood, hoping the magically burning map could pass for a new age camp fire. "Not as surprised as we are."

He looked at the guy, his headache from before returning with a vengeance. Caleb winced. "What…"

_"Knock, knock." Caleb heard in his mind. "You can't block me out, hunter. I know you from the inside out."_

Caleb felt himself fall to his knees as his head raged in agony. "He's a demon," he warned Joshua with a hiss. He thought Joshua would go for the guns in the duffle bag, but he stayed put.

"He can't cross the lines."

"Yes, Josh, I am impressed with you." The man stepped to the edge of the salt. "You are quite the gifted witch."

"Crafter," Joshua corrected.

"Witch and future Advisor," the demon chided. "Don't make yourself sound like Martha Stewart's minion."

"Who are you?" Joshua stepped slightly in front of Caleb.

"I'm a friend of Caleb Reaves."

Joshua placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder. "You really attract the worst sorts of people."

Caleb blinked, the pain easing as the demon pulled back his assault now that Caleb was aware of his presence. "I don't know any fucking demons."

The man appraised them with a friendly smile. "I'm hurt you don't remember me. It was a situation similar to this. You had lost track of your Guardian then too, only it was you and the future Scholar performing the ritual. Remember the amulet-"

"Oh shit," Caleb recalled the release of the demon while using Noah Seaver's necklace. He had wondered what he had let into the world, now he was going to find out.

"I picked up on the beacon." The demon gestured to the blazing Triad symbol "Your blood helped." His gaze went to Joshua. "You need to perform a different type of protection spell when using Triad power, _Witch_. Don't feel bad, typical rookie mistake. A traditional Advisor would have made sure you understood before allowing you to use Triad magic that might jeopardize The Guardian."

"You stopped by to give us fucking advice?" Caleb stumbled to his feet. "Save it. We don't work with demons."

"Talk about hypocrisy." The demon laughed. "Maybe I should have chosen some hot babe instead of this J. Crew model I snatched from a sportswear shoot."

"What do you want?"

"I came to thank you in person for releasing me from Hell. With the likes of Alistair and Lilith on the loose, I've had to be cautious."

Caleb recalled the demon's skill he'd utilized. "You've been shielding yourself."

"Yes. I'm quite talented."The demon motioned to the protection circle. "This was all a good show, but I can save you the trouble. The future Scholar is in Maryland at Saint Mary's."

"How do you know that?" Caleb stepped to the edge of the circle, Talon at the ready.

"I make it my priority to know what's going on with the Triad, especially one with such potential as Dean Winchester's. Old habits die hard." The demon laid a hand over his chest. "I always repay my debts. Now we're even, Hunter."

"Then you can leave." Joshua was standing firm against his shoulder.

"I'm surprised at you J. May I call you, J? There is so much I can share with you since we obviously have so much in common."

"There is nothing we have in common."

"I was a powerful witch. I was an Advisor to a Triad."

Caleb shook his head. "That's not possible."

"No? I hear you've been searching for a former Advisor knowledgeable enough to be of service in this time of impending doom." He patted his chest. "I'm your man."

"You're Ben Mosley?" Joshua asked the question Caleb was about to.

"Don't be insulting. Mosley isn't half the _crafter_ I was." The demon grinned. "Malachi Harris ringing any bells? I belonged to Daniel Wilmington's and Samuel Colt's Triad."

"No." Caleb took a step back. "You're lying." It would be beyond a cruel twist of fate.

"No need to lie when the truth is just so rich with delicious irony. I damned myself by giving that amulet to Noah Seaver over a hundred years ago and his great, great grandson uses it to release me from my eternal prison. You have to admit that's pretty awesome."

Caleb's mind reeled. Cole Tanner, The Knight of _The Wild Wild West_ Triad as Dean nicknamed them had been blamed with betraying The Brotherhood, trading the necklace to his lover's husband for her release from their marital binds, but it had been The Advisor all along. Caleb may have inadvertently cleared Tanner's name, but made a grandiose mistake reminiscent of the one Noah Seaver made. "I brought back Malachi Harris."

"What did you do?" Joshua whispered. He did not know that Caleb had stolen and used the amulet.

"It's all good, really. I can help you. I've spent over a hundred years of your time in Hell. I'm sure Dean has told you how time unfolds there. You do the math. Twelve thousand years of experience make me a sure bet." Malachi gestured to Joshua. "The things I can teach your Advisor go far beyond any writings in a journal. The promise of what Dean Winchester's Triad has to offer is quite true, but you'll need guidance to see it come to fruition. Jim Murphy obviously channeled Merlin's original vision. His plan almost prophetic. Two demons and the angel's chosen warrior as a powerhouse in a time such as this. A strong magician at their side to invoke allegiance with those of the occult. It's poetic. "

"No." They were not going to fall for the same trick. "We know all about getting help from demons."

"It's not like I'm going to ask you to drink my blood." He grinned. "Or that I might drink yours. Although, there is something in it for me. I am not company material. I do not toe the union line. I have a vested interest in how this final battle turns out. "

"What's that have to do with us?" Joshua gripped Caleb's arm to hold him back. Caleb had been tempted to cross the line and tangle with Malachi.

"Long story short, Lucifer is rising, and I won't be bossed about. I just got my get out of jail free card not so long ago. I'm powerful, capable of many things and this new body is really quite striking. I'm not ready to go back to old hat just yet. You know what that's like J, being an Advisor is grunt work, but if I had been blessed with a Triad such as yours..."

"You what?" Joshua demanded. "Wouldn't have thought it a good idea to kill your Guardian and Knight?"

"Why are you bringing up ancient history?" Malachi frowned at Joshua.

Caleb shivered. Dean returned mentally online. He was out of the angel realm. Caleb did not know if that was a good or bad thing. As Joshua had pointed out, the angels were trying to keep Dean safe. He grimaced to cover his reaction. "I'm thinking maybe you need us more than we need you."

The blond haired man lifted an eyebrow. "Really? Don't you sense it, son of Azazeal?"

Caleb felt the spark that was Sam, no longer veiled by Ruby. He hoped to hell it meant the bitch was dead, but there was something else pulsing with a white hot energy surpassing the fear and dread he could detect from the youngest Winchester.

"I can smell it in the air," Malachi added.

"Caleb?" Joshua questioned.

Caleb felt his heart clench in a soul aching response. "Something big…" He brought his hand to his chest. "Something evil."

"_The_ Evil." Malachi shrugged. "It should be one hell of a homecoming." He glanced at the watch on his wrist. "That reminds me I have people coming over, but I have your number now. I'll be calling you, boys."

Joshua turned to Caleb as the demon faded from sight. "Do you want to tell me what that was about?"

"I used Seaver's amulet to help find Dean last year. I was going to save him." Joshua had every right to be angry at him. In a short time Caleb had to admit to a lie and a cover up.

"And you released that unholy creature and forgot to mention it?"

At the time he hoped the gain was worth the repercussions. Caleb focused on having Dean back, and then there had been the impending deadline of his best friend's deal. As time passed it became less of a concern. "I didn't know _what_ I released, only that the thing was powerful. Powerful enough to get the upper hand on Rose." He waited for Joshua to make some biting retort, nothing came. "You aren't going to say anything else?"

Joshua began to kick dirt over his work to cover it up. "It just occurred to me that this situation with the demon blood must be like watching the worst fears you've had about yourself come to life albeit with Sam cast in the lead."

For as much as he had changed, the guy still had a knack for saying things most people would know to keep to themselves. "Way to pull the punches there, Josh. I would have liked a speech about taking things that don't belong to me, or heaping blame at my feet." Caleb had released the monster responsible for bringing The Yellow Eyed Demon forth in the first place. It was anyone's guess what new havoc Harris could incur.

"I don't know what to make of Malachi, or how to gauge him as a threat. But, I am sure you got in trouble with Dean over the amulet." Joshua shrugged his shoulders. "As for Sam, you didn't want to see what was happening with him because you took a turn down that same road with the amulet. Perhaps your entwined fates still blind you."

It was the truth Caleb didn't want to know. "Another pot meets kettle moment."

Joshua propped his hands on his hips, held his gaze. "You're not your father."

Caleb refused to blink and see Isaac Reaves's face flash in his mind's eye, the smile on his face as he pulled the trigger that took his life. "Neither is Sam."

"If Sam's been drinking demon blood as you say, he's more than likely killed humans."

"We've all killed humans in one form another. I destroyed hosts when I was housing Malachi Harris. Have you forgotten about Ian?"

Joshua looked away, but Caleb was unrepentant. They were all stained with some sort of guilt.

"I know you want to believe Sam can be redeemed."

"He can." If not then what were they even fighting for? Forgiveness was at the heart of it, but faith in each other was their saving grace. Merlin, half demon, half saint had believed in the redemption of mankind, as Pastor Jim had believed in the possibility of their Triad. "No one's a lost cause, you for example."

Joshua looked at him. "I'll do anything I can."

"That's all I'm asking." Caleb held out his hand. "I promise that this is not going to be a repeat of last summer." He refused to let history continue replay itself.

"I hope not." Joshua reached out and clasped his forearm. "You'll have Carolyn to answer to more than ever."

Caleb's mouth twitched. As much as it surprised him, a wedding might be a nice change of pace especially if it had an open bar. "It's definitely a way to get out of taking the plunge. Think about it, monogamy is a much slower and agonizing death."

Joshua let him go with a disappointed shake of his head. "I am beginning to understand why Ben Mosley disappeared all those years ago. If my grandfather and his Triad were half the trouble…"

"It's okay to admit you like us." Caleb grinned.

"Hardly." Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Does this mean I am no longer your best man?"

"I never said you were my best man."

"You'll come around."

"I think we have bigger issues at hand, especially now." Joshua began to repack his bag. "Do you believe what Harris said about Lucifer rising?"

Caleb's senses were still tingling. "Something major is happening. It's off the Richter, man."

"Then the last seal has been broken."

"Most likely." He didn't want to know what that meant for Sam and Dean, hoped to hell they weren't at ground zero. Caleb was focusing on the fact he could once again sense them both, clinging tightly to the lifeline between them. As long as they were alive, there was hope.

"I know you want to help Dean and Sam but it would seem that we are too late to effect whatever it is they are dealing with. Perhaps we could be of better service by joining Mackland and the other hunters preparing for what is to come."

Caleb ran his thumb over his silver ring. "I know you don't really understand this, but I have to go to them. Whether I'm too late or not, it's the only path for me."

Joshua stood, lashing his bag across his chest. "Then we're headed to Maryland."

Caleb smiled. "And on the way I'll list all the points of why I am the better choice for Best Man. Like how great I look in a tux, way hotter than Adam…"

Joshua snorted. "I think I prefer that hideous music Dean likes instead."

"Deuce tunes?" Caleb could handle that. Together The Triad and their Advisor would handle whatever Heaven and Hell could dish out.

RCJ & TI

A/N: As always we are working on other stories so stayed tuned especially to The Hunter's Tomb for future stories. Thank you all so much for reading!


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